a special little pocket guide to what this year of stellar (and by stellar, i mean, well, not so stellar) internet dating has brought me. Aside from a couple musings from the past, I sure have dated a lot of tools this year. Huh, I guess you could say I have a complete tool box now! 🙂
Brad – college boyfriend that was awesome who I dumped ’cause I liked his best friend (who had absolutely no interest in me)
Michael – 1st match.com date ~ had oddly tiny hands and an inability to communicate via any mode other than text message
Dear John ~ my 1st ever letter writer after date 3! Also referred to as Mixed Signals ’cause the night before said letter was sent, we went out, had a great time, he kissed me & copped a few feels & asked me out again …….
Peter ~ great guy ~ too bad he has no clue that he’s gay! (and I don’t mean happy)
Michael #2 ~ nice guy, looked just like Howdie Doodie ~ asked me out again never to be heard from again (no great loss) ~ lived with his mother
David ~ most beautiful, yet mind numbingly boring man ever!
Christian ~ unable to function in society without his Droid phone (which I now refer to as his ‘girlfriend’) ~ I got to see Michael Buble though, so that almost made the pain worth it; but not really
Glenn ~ the charming guy with the sparkling smile, good personality and fabulous ability to cancel on me the morning of our 2nd date ’cause he ‘met someone great’ the night before
Adam ~ 6’3″ English tool mama’s boy pilot
Mike #3 ~ the compulsive liar regarding his age, height, job, house, hobbies & most likely, his name
Tom the Sprinter ~ proof of why I hate coffee dates
Guy With The Weak Chin ~ ewww ……… just ………..ewwww
Jud ~ nice guy, liked me, whiney as hell & sort of bored me …….. (any wonder no one has snatched me up yet, right?)
Colorado Tom ~ jeckyl & hyde who I never actually ended up meeting
Jim ~ cute baby faced blonde who I had a great conversation with and who was going to call me again on Monday …… 2 months ago ……… 😉
Phil ~ uh, yeah ……… no
Michael #4 (thinking I need to never go out with anyone named Michael ever again) ~ very nice, yet totally crude and charmingly perpetually stoned ~ opted to go bike riding with him to make sure I still knew how
Duck ~ my shitty ex when I lived in Boise
Hugh ~ orange county mama’s boy who invited me to come visit and then blew me off …..
Hearts & Flowers ~ also known as Creepy Creeperson ~ started calling me darling & sweetheart in his 2nd e mail to me
Disneyworld ~ wore a hoodie & flip flops on our 1st date ~ oddly fascinated with ‘snuggling’ & text messaging (pretty much his kiss of death)
Lemon Zinger ~ fucking mind game player who I am still oddly infatuated with (yes, I’m well aware of what a loser I am)
Fiber One ~ 50 year old who proclaimed how ‘he was the one’ for me in his 1st e mail ~ proceeded to e mail about 15 more times that night and the *poof* ~ meh …..
Scott #1 ~ supposedly moving here from back east ~ writes really good e-mails but then disappears for a while
Scott #2 ~ moving here from back east (what’s up with that) ~ really great on the phone, totally nice guy, totally unattractive in person – crap!
TYO ~ innappropriately young 29 year old 🙂 yummy! really want to go bike riding with him
Ray ~ annoying guy that I agreed to meet because, well, let’s face it, I was bored
Ohio Boy ~ just moved here from, guess where? duh. cute, nice and may actually make it to date #2
Irish Guy ~ not quite sure why I’m meeting him, but he’s funny & he asked, so why not
*note ~ any reference to ‘bike riding’ is NOT about actually riding a bike 😉 you’re all smart cookies ……. figure it out
As of 10-21-10, here are my ‘dating stats’ for the year : 24 1st dates, 3 2nd dates, 2 3rd dates, countless e-mail wastes of time, 2 obscene text messages (received, not sent) and 1, that’s right, just 1 guy, that I really wish I’d acted differently with as he was great and I was not. 😦
as of 10-22-10: 25 1st dates, 3 2nd dates, 2 3rd dates
as of 11-25-10: 28 1st dates, 4 2nd dates, 2 3rd dates & 1 very darling vacation ‘fling’
as of 12-23-10: 33 1st dates, 7 2nd dates, 2 3rd dates & 1 very darling vacation ‘fling’
*edited to now make it TWO guys that I wish I had acted differently with ….. *sigh* I’ll just never learn
as an added bonus, my year end ‘viewed’ status on Match, you know, where they tell you how many times your profile has been viewed so you can figure out how many people opted to pass you by? Yeah, that one ……. my total, for the year 2010 was …………. 7,808 !! Holy Shit! Sounds impressive right? Nope, that just means that 7,608 of them passed me by …… losers 😉
No, no, no… it means you by passed 7,808 guys who were not your type and you can thank them for it later. 🙂 All about perspective. I know you’re sarcastic and witty like that but … for me, I think… thank god they kept going. (totally true)