The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

2010 Cliff’s Notes December 5, 2010

a special little pocket guide to what this year of stellar (and by stellar, i mean, well, not so stellar) internet dating has brought me.  Aside from a couple musings from the past, I sure have dated a lot of tools this year.  Huh, I guess you could say I have a complete tool box now! 🙂

Brad – college boyfriend that was awesome who I dumped ’cause I liked his best friend (who had absolutely no interest in me)

Michael – 1st date ~ had oddly tiny hands and an inability to communicate via any mode other than text message

Dear John ~ my 1st ever letter writer after date 3!  Also referred to as Mixed Signals ’cause the night before said letter was sent, we went out, had a great time, he kissed me & copped a few feels & asked me out again …….

Peter ~ great guy ~ too bad he has no clue that he’s gay! (and I don’t mean happy)

Michael #2 ~ nice guy, looked just like Howdie Doodie ~ asked me out again never to be heard from again (no great loss) ~ lived with his mother

David ~ most beautiful, yet mind numbingly boring man ever!

Christian ~ unable to function in society without his Droid phone (which I now refer to as his ‘girlfriend’) ~ I got to see Michael Buble though, so that almost made the pain worth it; but not really

Glenn ~ the charming guy with the sparkling smile, good personality and fabulous ability to cancel on me the morning of our 2nd date ’cause he ‘met someone great’ the night before

Adam ~ 6’3″ English tool mama’s boy pilot

Mike #3 ~ the compulsive liar regarding his age, height, job, house, hobbies & most likely, his name

Tom the Sprinter ~ proof of why I hate coffee dates

Guy With The Weak Chin ~ ewww ……… just ………..ewwww

Jud ~ nice guy, liked me, whiney as hell & sort of bored me …….. (any wonder no one has snatched me up yet, right?)

Colorado Tom ~ jeckyl & hyde who I never actually ended up meeting

Jim ~ cute baby faced blonde who I had a great conversation with and who was going to call me again on Monday …… 2 months ago ……… 😉

Phil ~ uh, yeah ……… no

Michael #4 (thinking I need to never go out with anyone named Michael ever again) ~ very nice, yet totally crude and charmingly perpetually stoned ~ opted to go bike riding with him to make sure I still knew how

Duck ~ my shitty ex when I lived in Boise

Hugh ~ orange county mama’s boy who invited me to come visit and then blew me off …..

Hearts & Flowers ~ also known as Creepy Creeperson ~ started calling me darling & sweetheart in his 2nd e mail to me

Disneyworld ~ wore a hoodie & flip flops on our 1st date ~ oddly fascinated with ‘snuggling’ & text messaging (pretty much his kiss of death)

Lemon Zinger ~ fucking mind game player who I am still oddly infatuated with (yes, I’m well aware of what a loser I am)

Fiber One ~ 50 year old who proclaimed how ‘he was the one’ for me in his 1st e mail ~ proceeded to e mail about 15 more times that night and the *poof* ~ meh …..

Scott #1 ~ supposedly moving here from back east ~ writes really good e-mails but then disappears for a while

Scott #2 ~ moving here from back east (what’s up with that) ~ really great on the phone, totally nice guy, totally unattractive in person – crap!

TYO ~ innappropriately young 29 year old 🙂 yummy! really want to go bike riding with him

Ray ~ annoying guy that I agreed to meet because, well, let’s face it, I was bored

Ohio Boy ~ just moved here from, guess where? duh.  cute, nice and may actually make it to date #2

Irish Guy ~ not quite sure why I’m meeting him, but he’s funny & he asked, so why not


*note ~ any reference to ‘bike riding’ is NOT about actually riding a bike 😉 you’re all smart cookies ……. figure it out


As of 10-21-10, here are my ‘dating stats’ for the year : 24 1st dates, 3 2nd dates, 2 3rd dates, countless e-mail wastes of time, 2 obscene text messages (received, not sent) and 1, that’s right, just 1 guy, that I really wish I’d acted differently with as he was great and I was not. 😦

as of 10-22-10: 25 1st dates, 3 2nd dates, 2 3rd dates

as of 11-25-10: 28 1st dates, 4 2nd dates, 2 3rd dates & 1 very darling vacation ‘fling’

as of 12-23-10: 33 1st dates, 7 2nd dates, 2 3rd dates & 1 very darling vacation ‘fling’

*edited to now make it TWO guys that I wish I had acted differently with ….. *sigh* I’ll just never learn

as an added bonus, my year end ‘viewed’ status on Match, you know, where they tell you how many times your profile has been viewed so you can figure out how many people opted to pass you by?  Yeah, that one ……. my total, for the year 2010 was …………. 7,808 !! Holy Shit!  Sounds impressive right?  Nope, that just means that 7,608 of them passed me by …… losers 😉


One Response to “2010 Cliff’s Notes”

  1. mysterycoach Says:

    No, no, no… it means you by passed 7,808 guys who were not your type and you can thank them for it later. 🙂 All about perspective. I know you’re sarcastic and witty like that but … for me, I think… thank god they kept going. (totally true)

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