The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

2012 Cliff’s Notes January 8, 2012

Welcome to the 3rd year running of me tracking each and every one of my craptastic stellar experiences in the world of online dating.  Please feel free to make fun of me, feel sorry for me, whatever it is you need to do to realize that your luck isn’t that bad.  😉 Learn from me, empathize with me, support me, berate me.  I am who I am, and that isn’t going to change.

Feel free to look back on my previous years’ ‘Cliff’s Notes’ for comparison purposes.  I don’t seem to be improving with age.  Damn.

As I haven’t had a date yet in 2012 (c’mon, it’s only January 7th for crying out loud; and I seem to be running out of candidates) so have no guys to make fun of list, I will start out by making a little cheat sheet of some of my favorite ‘grey goose-isms’.  Which really means words that I made up or euphemisms for things that normal adults wouldn’t use.  Being as I have the mental maturity of a 12 year old though ………

Craptastic = awesome (in a not so awesome way)

Bitchtastic = my usual MO for dealing with idiots as in, ‘I wrote a bitchtastic message in response’ ……..

Bike Ride = sex

Flat Tire = uhm, a sad speed bump in the quest for a bike ride (viagra, anyone?)


Wow, quite the gap in dates, huh?  As all of January and most of February were filled with my roller coaster faux non-bf non-relationship with TD, I didn’t do much searching.  Lots of whining and crying and lamely trying to talk him into wanting a relationship with me (yes, I’m THAT big of a loser), but not much internet dating.  Okay, there was none.  Well, that changes today.  February 25th as I have a *gasp* date!  So here we go ……..

TallG: 51, 6’4″ ~ don’t really know much about him yet because, lucky him, my heart’s not really in this (it’s still somewhere at TD’s house I fear), but he seems funny and has planned a fun date to a comedy club.  Have only e-mailed back and forth via craptastic match, so should be interesting.  Hell, at least I get to wear my 5″ wedges that I never got to wear with TD as he hated when I was taller than he was……..uhm, turned out to be a twitchy weirdo with a weak chin and who was in no way in hell only 51.  No 2nd date for him

Body-Building-Accountant ~ kinda funny, kinda complimentary, i’m kinda bored.  meeting him for breakfast next weekend.  yey?

(another extended period of non-dating thanks to my inability to pull my head out of my ass)………fast forward to……….. July 27th

NBA – date with 7 foot tall guy from OkStupid – had a good time, but considering the fact that this 37 year old still views cocktailing as a mission to get ‘wasted’ and wake up somewhere unfamiliar, I fear there is little long term potential.  At least he was funny and nice and a harmless re-entry back into the cesspool of online dating……

The Controller – 6’3″ accountant who had a very disconcerting misplaced eyebrow hair (or 3) ~ widower (no, I did not make any dead bodies in the freezer jokes – thank god!) ~ chose a highly questionable location for our 1st meet up and ‘claimed’ not to have realized what the theme was (ha) ~ had a decent time ~ will probably see him again ~ no need to reserve a wedding venue yet, pretty sure he’s not the one 😉

Comb-Over – looked very cute in a teddy-bearish kinda way on E-Harm.  Was funny and well written.  Met for lunch.  Uh, he looked like the father of the guy in the pictures he’d posted.  61 minutes flat and no 2nd date.

Soccer Dad – very funny, very witty, very complimentary guy via text and phone – sadly, not attracted to him in the least.  He beat me to the punch and told me he wasn’t interested.  Ouch. 9/11/12

Football – I know, I know, stellar blog name but for the life of me, I don’t think this guy talks about anything but.  We met at a sports bar (of course) AFTER he texted me a shirtless picture of himself *gag* and proceeded to have the most boring time ever before I called it quits and told him we had less than nothing in common.  Pretty sure he’s not heartbroken over it.

ADD ~ not sure if he actually has ADD but he was exceptionally fidgety when we were out ~ all 6’5″ of him ~ all 6’5″ of him covered in tattoos!  Very funny, very sweet, very complimentary ~ told a great story of how he used to pass out in church all the time.  Supposedly there will be another date, but he’s a craptastic texter and I haven’t heard from him 😦

Onion Rings ~ why on earth would I name one of my dates onion rings?  That’s because when I met him, on date #2 of a double header Friday, he immediately let me know that he weighed more than he ever has and was having a hard time losing it.  And then proceeded to order onion rings.  Huh, wonder why.  Anyway, as he complained the entire time before grabbing my hand and trying to kiss me at the end of the night, I don’t think I’ll be seeing him again.  Especially since he made some very disconcerting groaning noises during the overly long and awkward hug.  Ick.

Do-Gooder ~ nice guy that I met for lunch on date #1 of double header Friday.  Had a great time.  Very funny, very sweet, very complimentary.  Absolutely said he wanted to meet up again.  Never to be heard from again……


6 Responses to “2012 Cliff’s Notes”

  1. Lisa Says:

    you’re funny, glad I stumbled on your blog

  2. Funny stories. I cant wait to hear more. I just started blogging and have yet to post my pof and okc online dating adventures!

    Btw did soccerdad live in Chicago?

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