The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

Changing Mindsets May 11, 2021

Apparently easier said than done. I am still having some issues with my ego/pride/whatever with the whole Mr. OoT thing. I am trying my best to change all the ‘what ifs’, ‘why not mes’ and replaying our past over and over while overthinking the entire shitshow to more positive and Grey-Centric thoughts. More positivity, more empowering, more trust in the universe. I’m loaded up on crystals and stones, Stuart Smalley affirmations and screenshots of every meme I come across that has anything remotely to do with narcissism, codependency, trauma bonds, empaths.

Who knew I’d kinda suck at this? Oh yeah, most of us. Darn it. I remember a movie with Gwynneth Paltrow (no clue how she spells her name) and Ben Affleck (again, no clue how he spells his name) titled something like Closing Doors or Switching Doors or honestly, I have no clue. I didn’t see the movie but think it was all about how different your life would be if you made just one decision differently. Headed in an opposite direction. Took a right instead of a left. Took a leap of faith. Ran instead of walked. Not sure if this is even what the movie was about but that’s what this post is about.

I am the decider of my future. My decisions effect my future. No one else’s. While I realize that this isn’t 100% true in the literal sense, I need to worry less about what others are thinking and doing and realize that I am in charge of my own happiness. I KNOW that Mr. OoT was bad for me. I just can’t figure out why I can’t get my thoughts/heart in alignment with this. Unless I figure this out, I am destined to repeat this pattern and damn, that’s just no good for anyone! Those of you that were with me thru the years of TD angst will agree whole heartedly. 😉

As desperate times call for desperate measures, I have done what I have always made fun of others for doing. I ordered some self help books. Yes, feel free to unfollow/unfriend me. I have always felt that everyone should be able to figure their own shit out. At least I’ve always felt that I should be able to figure my own shit out. I am having some challenges this time around and have realized that I have a pretty destructive pattern. That’s entirely my doing and no one else’s. I can almost pinpoint it back to when it started but as I am the creator of my reality and I am the common denominator in all my failed relationships, I need to figure this shit out. I am trying to figure out why I hold on for long and so tightly. Why I feel I need to ‘fix’ others. Why I (almost always) put others’ best interests before my own. Why I give people so many chances.

If you all knew me in college, you would ask who the hell I am these days. I often joke that my ‘luck’ in romance is karma kicking my ass for all the fun I had when I was younger. I WAS in charge of it all. My feelings, my lack of attachment, my ability to detach when needed, my ability to attract just about everyone; friends, boyfriends, allies, enemies. Ha, I never had enemies. Well, unless you count that one crazy girl who threw a drink in my face at a bar once. I probably kissed a guy she liked. Who knows.

Anywhoo, the buck stops here. I AM a good person. I DO deserve love. I DO deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. I DO deserve to be happy. I promise to be back with less angst and more dating stories. As of right now, the only dating stories I have are that of my BFF. She’s quite the hot ticket in town. 😉 Good for her. Beware though, I’m coming for you …… ❤


2 Responses to “Changing Mindsets”

  1. Cheryl Says:

    I used to date a pilot who I was obsessed with. I think part of it was the whole “Look at me, I’m dating a pilot” thing. Until my daughter said, “Big deal, don’t planes pilot themselves now?”
    I couldn’t figure out how he had a 3 year relationship before me and the same after me. I was always breaking up with him. Why? Because he was so damn negative and critical. Most of the time, I’d leave his house after a weekend in tears. My friend said, “Why do you keep seeing him? Every time you leave, you call me up crying.” I guess I wanted to win, as if it was a competition. I’d think, “Maybe he treats those women better than me, and that’s why they stay.” Well, guess what? I’m sure he was just as critical and negative with them, except that they put up with it and I refused to. And that was the important take away here, I refused to put up with his less than acceptable behavior.
    So there’s that, whatever you choose to do with it. (Hope it helps.)

    • You and I sound very similar (please don’t take that as an insult 😉). I’m positive part of my issue with this whole thing is that I wonder why he couldn’t be so nice and accommodating to me? Why does she get the nice version? I could never be a doormat though. I don’t want to be with someone who is unwilling to put effort into the relationship.

      I, and all his sisters, know that his true colors have to come out sooner or later….

      Just as you hung on too long in the hopes that things would improve and because he was a pilot, I hung on too long because I hoped things would improve and damn if Mr. OoT isn’t one of the most handsome men ever. I’d like to think if I were less attracted to him, I would have been able to let go sooner? Who knows. Chemistry and attraction do crazy things to our common sense. 🤦🏼‍♀️

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