43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Different Strokes for Different Folks May 26, 2021

Filed under: break up,dating,internet dating,Mr. OoT,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 10:08 am
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Yup. I’m unique. In a beat a dead horse until it’s more dead sorta way. In a replay everything in your head and overthink everything ad nauseam before deciding which route to take sorta way. In a choose the exact wrong option every single time sorta way.

I tried the no contact. I tried the blocking. I tried the cut him off completely. I seemed to get worse as time progressed. My mind is one fucked up wasteland of bad decisions and self negativity. I needed to figure this shit out. I’m tired of being sad and whiny and mopey.

You all may not want to read what comes next, but I’m writing it down for me. Feel free to yell obscenities at your phones. I deserve it.

I saw Mr. OoT. Are you still there? Did your phone survive the throw across the room? Did you scare the neighbors yelling at me? Honestly though, you can’t be THAT surprised that I did this, can you?

I wrote down 82 versions of what I wanted to say. Not what he wanted to hear, but what I wanted him to hear (as much as he is capable of listening – which is minimal). I drove to his town and he excitedly agreed to meet. We sat in a park and damn, it was weird. I haven’t seen him in person since October. He looked good, but chemistry was never the issue.

Without going into exactly what I said (as no one needs to hear that nonsense), I pretty much poured my heart out. Left no stone or speck of self respect unturned. I cried. I questioned. I defended. I explained. He sat there stoically as if I were a stranger. Asshole. Why I thought it might be appropriate to seek reassurance from the man who caused the damage is kinda beyond reason, but welcome to my world.

He apologized for being seemingly unaffected by anything I said, but said he didn’t think getting emotional would help the situation. He further explained that he had ‘friend zoned’ me long ago (fuck you and I call bullshit) and that, wait for it…..I was never ‘the one’. Thanks for that unnecessary tidbit you stupid fuck. He then proceeded to tell me that I am one of his all time favorite people and that he will always love me. As a friend. That I am his best friend Whatever.

As ridiculously hurtful as it all was to hear, it actually helped me. I got my questions answered, my feelings hurt and my pride all but decimated. Apparently those things are good for me? I ended up getting to see his son and his dad and (super weird) we all went to dinner. I guess I wanted 1 last day with everyone? Who knows. More tears were shed, but oddly enough, I didn’t cry during the 2 hour drive home.

Mr. OoT was bad for me. A narcissist to the core. Everything was a test that I repeatedly failed in his eyes. He wanted me to put in all the work while he did nothing.

One of the things that was hardest for me to wrap my head around was the fact that he is willingly handing out a multitude of ‘passes’ for The Frump. Things that he would NEVER accept from me, she gets away with. Things he would NEVER do for me he does for her. It’s mind boggling. He is 100% deluded if he thinks he will be able to sustain this charade. He is a narcissist to the core and while he may think that having someone whose only value add seems to be her adoration of Mr. OoT (pretty much the only thing they have in common). It is no longer my circus or monkeys.

Ready for the best part?! He actually asked me if 1) I would be willing to teach him how I planned such amazing travels for us so he can do the same for The Frump and 2) If he could hire me as his secretary so I could still help keep his life on track. My reply was 1) fuck you 2) why don’t you ask The Frump to do it 3) fuck you 4) fuck you 5) all those things are part of my ‘perk package’ that you are no longer entitled to and lastly 5) fuck you. What an asshole.

I get it. Seeing him 1 last time might seem insane to some. It actually helped though. He is not what I want. If he truly believes The Frump is his dream woman (I just gagged) I was never what he wanted. I let it all go on too long. I accepted way less than I deserve. I put up with far more than I ever should have. I’m still working on me and trying to figure out why the news of his impending nuptials (2 weeks and counting) sent me into such a tailspin. I feel better for having done this. I am a work in progress.

Good luck to The Frump. While everyone believes she is 100% manipulating Mr. OoT by playing on his insecurities (of which there are MANY) and is pulling all the strings, she has no idea what she is in for. While maybe she is The One to tame his demons and make him truly happy, I fear they are both in for a rude awakening. And honestly, as bitchy as it sounds and as much as it goes against everything I stand for, I couldn’t be happier about it.

 

Changing Mindsets May 11, 2021

Apparently easier said than done. I am still having some issues with my ego/pride/whatever with the whole Mr. OoT thing. I am trying my best to change all the ‘what ifs’, ‘why not mes’ and replaying our past over and over while overthinking the entire shitshow to more positive and Grey-Centric thoughts. More positivity, more empowering, more trust in the universe. I’m loaded up on crystals and stones, Stuart Smalley affirmations and screenshots of every meme I come across that has anything remotely to do with narcissism, codependency, trauma bonds, empaths.

Who knew I’d kinda suck at this? Oh yeah, most of us. Darn it. I remember a movie with Gwynneth Paltrow (no clue how she spells her name) and Ben Affleck (again, no clue how he spells his name) titled something like Closing Doors or Switching Doors or honestly, I have no clue. I didn’t see the movie but think it was all about how different your life would be if you made just one decision differently. Headed in an opposite direction. Took a right instead of a left. Took a leap of faith. Ran instead of walked. Not sure if this is even what the movie was about but that’s what this post is about.

I am the decider of my future. My decisions effect my future. No one else’s. While I realize that this isn’t 100% true in the literal sense, I need to worry less about what others are thinking and doing and realize that I am in charge of my own happiness. I KNOW that Mr. OoT was bad for me. I just can’t figure out why I can’t get my thoughts/heart in alignment with this. Unless I figure this out, I am destined to repeat this pattern and damn, that’s just no good for anyone! Those of you that were with me thru the years of TD angst will agree whole heartedly. 😉

As desperate times call for desperate measures, I have done what I have always made fun of others for doing. I ordered some self help books. Yes, feel free to unfollow/unfriend me. I have always felt that everyone should be able to figure their own shit out. At least I’ve always felt that I should be able to figure my own shit out. I am having some challenges this time around and have realized that I have a pretty destructive pattern. That’s entirely my doing and no one else’s. I can almost pinpoint it back to when it started but as I am the creator of my reality and I am the common denominator in all my failed relationships, I need to figure this shit out. I am trying to figure out why I hold on for long and so tightly. Why I feel I need to ‘fix’ others. Why I (almost always) put others’ best interests before my own. Why I give people so many chances.

If you all knew me in college, you would ask who the hell I am these days. I often joke that my ‘luck’ in romance is karma kicking my ass for all the fun I had when I was younger. I WAS in charge of it all. My feelings, my lack of attachment, my ability to detach when needed, my ability to attract just about everyone; friends, boyfriends, allies, enemies. Ha, I never had enemies. Well, unless you count that one crazy girl who threw a drink in my face at a bar once. I probably kissed a guy she liked. Who knows.

Anywhoo, the buck stops here. I AM a good person. I DO deserve love. I DO deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. I DO deserve to be happy. I promise to be back with less angst and more dating stories. As of right now, the only dating stories I have are that of my BFF. She’s quite the hot ticket in town. 😉 Good for her. Beware though, I’m coming for you …… ❤

 

Two for Two April 30, 2021

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 10:22 am
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I suppose I owe an update for my slamming 2 date weekend a couple of weeks ago. I know absolutely noone everyone has been sitting on the edge of their seats waiting. Or not, whatever. I actually had 2 back to back Bumble dates! What?!? 1 I was a bit more excited about than the other. 1 got a meticulously chosen outfit, freshly washed hair and makeup that took more than a few minutes to apply. As an aside, I am the only one that forgot how to apply makeup (or wear a bra, for that matter) during last year’s pandemic shut ins? Anywhoo, date #1 got all of this. Date #2 just got a rerun of it all. Seriously, I wore the exact same outfit.

So I met date #1 at a nice bar/restaurant not far from my house. We seemed to have much in common and he just seemed super nice. I don’t know if he took a page out of the Grey’s book of how to be a big turn off, but in person our conversations were stilted, he seemed kinda negative and he asked very few questions about me. I get it, ya know? If the chemistry isn’t there it isn’t there. It definitely wasn’t there. We lasted about an hour. He left it with ‘I want to date around and decide what I want’. I left it with ‘thanks for the drink; it was nice meeting you’. He had unmatched me on Bumble by the time I got home all of 5 minutes later. As we had swapped phone numbers, I sent a quick, ‘I see you unmatched me; it was nice meeting you and I hope you meet someone amazing’ or some other such bullshit. I just really wanted to call him out on doing the lame option instead of manning up and sending the uncomfortable text.

Date #2 seemed nice online. We had some things in common. He was new to town and just seemed like a good guy. And he was. He arrived early for our date/meeting/interview/whatever, chose a nice bar/restaurant, scoped out the perfect corner seats at the bar and was there waiting when I got there. He wasn’t exactly as his photos portrayed, but he had a great smile. We chatted easily about a variety of things. We shared some appetizers and cocktails and had a really good time. He prefaced our ordering with ‘order whatever you’d like, it’s on me’. I thought that was nice. As I would never take advantage of anyone’s kindness or generosity, I didn’t go hog wild. Yey me! He walked me to my car and gave me a big hug. I said ‘thank you for a great time and for the yummy food and cocktails, I’d love to do this again sometime if you’re up for it”. He said it was nice meeting me and he had fun. Uh oh. No agreement to meeting again. Whoopsie. By the time I got home I had already received a text reiterating that he had a really good time. Oh, maybe I was wrong. I replied me too. And there, my friends, our blossoming romance ended. Haven’t heard from him since.

I’ve been chatting with a few other men on the app but no one that I’m super excited about. Especially the one who used the world’s dumbest ‘alias’ and wouldn’t tell me his real name as ‘it’s very unique and he’s pretty well known’. Uhm, what the fuck dude? Men …… boo ……

 

Overlap April 16, 2021

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 9:25 am
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The world of online dating is a bit inbred. Many people fishing in the same pond. Sometimes it’s fun to compare notes with friends to see who WE have met. Who WE are chatting with. Who WE like. My bff in town is infringing on my cespool of options at the moment. She’s gorgeous. Tall, blonde, smart and successful. She’s much more high maintenance than I in the self-care department and is a much snazzier dresser, but she’s a catch. As am I. I think. We’ve often been asked if we are sisters. I take it as a huge compliment. I assume I’m the Cinderella of the two, just minus the fireplace and soot, but I’ll take it!

We usually aren’t fishing at the same time, so it’s never been much of an issue. Until now. I have a ‘meet and greet’ on today. My 1st in a loooong time. She met the same ‘fish’ on yesterday. Seems kinda weird. After she told me that she was meeting him, I opted not to tell her that I was as well. I mean what are the chances that we both actually like the same guy? Slim at best. I didn’t talk to her after her date so do not know how it went. I did not tell ‘him’ that she and I are friends.

We have very different views on relationships and what we are looking for. Well, to be completely accurate, I’m pretty sure we have the same wants/needs but she works SUPER hard on acting like she doesn’t care. She does. I know she does. She most likely knows she does too, but tries her hardest to act like she doesn’t. While I am quite positive that she is witty and funny and inquisitive and nice on her ‘meet and greets’, I am also quite positive she consciously gives off the impression that she is completely carefree, independent and can ‘take it or leave it’ when she meets someone. I know she gets her hopes up like everyone else does. I know she gets invested like everyone else does. I hope she finds her person, just not out of my pond. 😉

Anywhooooo, I left it up to said ‘fish’ (no one gets a blog name until we actually meet) to select where to meet and he did good! We’re meeting at 4pm today for drinks. No clue what I’m going to wear. As I have all but forgotten how to properly dress myself and apply makeup since the pandemic, fingers crossed everyone!

That’s it for now. Wish me luck!!! 🙂

 

On The Road Again April 14, 2021

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 5:44 am
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Well, not as if I’m actually taking a road trip or anything. Although I will have to drive to the suggested spot for my 1st ‘meet and greet’ or whatever you call a 1st meeting online in several years. Not gonna lie, I’m a little nervous. Mr. OoT did some damage. I allowed it. I allowed him to make me doubt myself and to believe, as he told me often enough, how hard I am to love. Dumb fucker. Him AND me. Anyway, I’ve been back on Bumble for a couple of months but given it the old half assed effort that I felt like investing. Plus my options in eligible bachelors was less than impressive. As an aside, when did ‘consensual non-monogamist’ become a thing? Doesn’t that just mean that you both cheat? Being as I have a hard time sharing a steak, I doubt I would do well sharing a man.

Anywhoo, it seems that April 1st rolled around (ironic, right?) and everyone hopped back online. What used to be a few very ill matched men that would appear, magically turned into many ill matched men! Yippeee! Let the pen palling begin. *insert eye roll here* I’ve been chatting with several different men. The ones that I was super excited about learning more about after reading their profiles (and, let’s be honest, seeing their pictures) stupidly chose not to respond. The big dummies.

I have been chatting with an appropriately aged man who seems to share a lot of common interests with me and loves to travel almost as much as I do. His photos are all over the place, geographically and visually, so not actually sure what he looks like these days, but he asked to meet. And I happily said yes! This will be my 1st date in almost 3 years. Bonus points as he threw out the option of meeting for coffee (hell no) or a cocktail (hell yes) and then proceeded to choose a very cool place that I love not far from my house. Heaven forbid I have to drive too far for a 1st interview. 😉

I think I remember how to do this. I think I remember being kinda good at this. Smile, ask lots of questions, tone down the sarcasm a tiny bit, make eye contact, imagine if I want to kiss him, plan out our entire future together, blah, blah, blah. Okay, okay, we all know I have hard time toning down the sarcasm and that, when I do, it ends badly. My love language is sarcasm. And laughter. And every time I’ve tried to tone that down, it’s always been misinterpreted when it inevitably reaches the surface again.

No clue what I’ll wear. Or what I’ll say. Or how it will go. I will go with good intentions, and optimistic spirit and ALL my stones and crystals!

 

I May Need Longer Arms April 13, 2021

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 5:14 am
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We all (yes, all 2 of us) know my affinity for bad decisions all things woo woo. My senile memory will never remember what everything stands for or the metaphysical properties of them, but I love me some stones and crystals. I wear balancing stones. Stones that help with alignment and self awareness and calmness and trusting and whatever else I feel I need help with. I lean towards the ridiculously self aware, self critical and overthinking. I wear Rose Quartz and Tiger’s Eye, Dalmation Jasper, Amethyst, Howlite, Clear Quartz and other healing stones. One that I have recently added and is apparently MUCH needed in response to my ridiculous reaction to the news of Mr. OoT and his impending nuptials (June 12th for those that would like to mark their calendars for this auspicious occasion) is Citrine. I am not a fan of yellow. I am blonde and have always found yellow anything to make me look jaundiced. Apparently Citrine and the color yellow are good for self love and self confidence. Apparently I am lacking in both regards. *insert collective ‘no shit’*

There is no other explanation for spending more than 12.5 seconds pondering ‘why not me’ when it comes to Mr. OoT. I read back on all my old blog posts, I read through all my saved text messages where he picked a million fights with me for no reason, always put himself 1st and said the most awful and hurtful things to me when he was angry with me (which was often). I am 53 fucking years old. How on earth can all my common sense fly out the window when it comes to and came to him? Gah I’m annoying to myself (and all those around me).

Anywhoo, although I know you’re not supposed to pair more than a few stones at a time, I have literally loaded up! I wear 7 different stones on a chain around my neck. I now wear 6 different beaded bracelets. I’ve always loved me some accessories and I am very well weighted down at the moment. I like them and they make me happy, so who cares.

So, back to The Wedding, which Mr. OoT has actually told his favorite sister (who HATES the bride to be and I couldn’t love her more for it) ‘you’re invited, don’t come’. What the ever living fuck? Who invites and dis-invites someone in the same breath? So weird. So the wedding which every single member of his super large family is against takes place June 12th. Know what happens that same week? The OoT family reunion which I was and still am invited to. I kinda hate Mr. OoT, but I truly adore his family (3 sisters, 3 brothers, 1 amazing dad, dozens of nieces and nephews) and they love me. I’m still invited. I still plan on going. I think. I have 2 months to get my head on straight and be able to enjoy everyone while ignoring/not caring about Mr. OoT and his new frumpy as hell bride. The family has rented a huge house on a lake near a national park about 7 hours from me with plenty of room for everyone. The reunion is in celebration of their dad’s 74th (I think) birthday. I’ve written about Mr. OoT’s dad before. He is one of the kindest, most amazing men ever. He sees Mr. OoT for who he is and has told me many times that he hopes that I stay a part of his family. That he couldn’t love me more than one of his own kids or daughter’s in law. Super sweet. We stay in touch and I drove to his town to take him to lunch a few weeks ago when I returned from my winter escape.

Most of his sisters have checked in on me. One of his ex wives has left a sweet comment on a post of mine. His daughter and I enjoy joking about the shit-show in the making. This could be a very healing trip for me or a very self destructive one. My love of his family is something separate than whatever it is or ever was that I felt for Mr. OoT. He rarely shows up to family events anyway and honestly, most of the family has flat out told me that they would happily dis-invite him to any family event if it made me feel uncomfortable. While I would never ask them to do that, the thought does make me smile.

I guess I’ll see how I feel about all of this in about 8 weeks. Oh, and as a reward for the 2 of you that are left still reading this and busily shaking your heads and rolling your eyes at me, here’s a little gift. I’m doing okay. I’ve been making myself go out more and not wallow. Oh, and I’m back on Bumble. And have a date on Friday. You’re welcome 😉

 

Happy New Year? March 26, 2021

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:01 am
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I just published a post that had been sitting in my drafts folder for 6+ months. Does it contain angst about Mr. OoT? Well, of course it does! Duh. You all should know me by now. But wait! Before you throw your computers and smart phones out the window and go hoarse from virtually yelling at me, let me preface by saying this: we DID break up in August of 2020. And it was ugly (did you have any doubt?). Really ugly. And embarrassing. And humiliating. And kinda sad.

I think Mr. OoT was on chance number 1,428 with me. Surprisingly (not), it didn’t go so well. His kids were involved in this time. And there was a solo 9 hour drive home after it happened.

Let’s suffice it to say that 2020 in it’s entirety was complete shit-show. I was a complete shit-show. I was far from my best self. For a multitude of valid reasons. Mr. OoT and I didn’t talk for months. I know that it was for the best.

A little backstory on Mr. OoT: when we met and thru the entirety of our relationship he had a shit job. A mind numbing and horrible for the psyche job. I always felt that the lion’s share of his being happy was placed on my shoulders. Sometimes I succeeded, sometimes not. He lived in a horrible little apartment, smoked weed more days than not and was generally not a very happy person. In all our time together I helped him thru the process of buying a home, of chasing a dream by enrolling in (and subsequently excelling in) courses that would lead him to his dream job. He did it. He graduated top of his class and got recruited directly out of school.

I was his biggest cheerleader. From a distance. I was interested in seeing if having his dream job and not being in his mind numbing and defeatist job would help his overall outlook on life and love and everything in between. I was excited to see.

NO, we did not get back together. I did see him once in October (3 months post breakup) and we had an amazing day and night. Oh, don’t be so surprised, of course I slept with him. And it was fantastic and different from all the other times before. It was like we totally connected. As my normal M.O. would then be to try and see if ‘we’ could work just one last time (HA), I instead decided that taking myself away, FAR away, for months would be a better option.

I distanced myself physically and mentally. I was gone for 4+ months. We chatted and texted a bit during my absence but not much. I was NOT going to be the one to say that I missed him. I was NOT going to be the one to ask if we should try one last time. As one of my main issues with ‘us’ was that I always felt I put in the lion’s share of the effort with us I wanted him to be the one to make the grand gesture.

And he did! Just not with me. I returned from my months away about 3 weeks ago. He was stationed out of state and would be back this week. We spoke a couple of weeks ago and he asked if he could see me. I, of course, said yes! Here would be my chance to see if, since starting his dream job, his psyche was better and more positive. I am not going to lie and say I wasn’t hopeful, but we know how lame I can be when it comes to men. We hadn’t really spoken since then. I called him on Monday as I was wondering what was up and if he was indeed in town and he asked me to hold so he could ‘have some privacy’. Well damn, that’s never a good sign.

He ‘met’ someone. Someone he went to high school with. Someone that he has been chatting with forever. As friends. She is the epitome of everything he had always given me a hard time for: a non drug user, a square, a nerd, blah, blah, blah. She flew out to see him last weekend. And he’s in love. As her religion does not allow for sex outside of marriage, he is ready to marry her. She’s the one, he says. Just hearing her voice lowers his blood pressure.

I have gone thru all the emotions: sad, angry, humiliated. I see an absolutely identical situation as with TD. I think I really felt, in the end, that he would choose me! Here’s the shitty part (because, let’s be honest, I can be super shitty and petulant), I feel that I am the one that should benefit from this new life and outlook of his that I put the time and effort in to help create. That I should be the one that he professes his love and devotion to. I read back on all my posts and am reminded of how amazing he was at the beginning. Kind and affectionate and supportive and wanting to move things forward. I was the one that kept pulling back. I was the one that kept giving him doubts. Maybe I am the cause of his never feeling secure and, in turn, never being able to make me feel secure? Gah, we had such a roller coaster relationship. I will not lie and say that I hadn’t hoped that finally having a career he loves and doing something that keeps his mind engaged, would keep his inner demons at bay. I will now never know.

He wants to remain friends. After our last and final breakup he immediately changed his FB status to single and blocked me (as all 13 year old boys do). He wants to be FB friends again. Uhm, no on all counts. I cannot get out of my head though. I have read back on ALL my blog posts about us and am fully aware of what a shit show we were. I also was reminded that I played a large part in that. That both of our insecurities and pride got in the way. That we ‘tried’ way too many times.

He is a different person now. Not such a stoner. A list maker. Organized. All things that used to drive me insane. This new love of his is recent. It’s very much in the honeymoon stage. I look back at the beginning of our relationship and see the same exact pattern. He wants to be in love and have someone to take care of him. Her religion puts a HIGH value on being married. I see it happening. I just don’t know why I feel like such a failure.

So I need for every single one of you who reads this post, regardless of if you’ve followed the entire shit-show or not, to tell me to snap out of it. There is no other choice. I could chase him and then be stuck in the loop of ‘did I force this’ or I can just let him live his life and wish him every happiness.

Adulting is hard. Online dating is even harder …… Pulling my head out of my ass, however, seems to be the hardest of all.

*edited to add:

1) no clue if I think this way because he is now out of reach & I am super competitive (which I never realized I was)

2) if I really want him back

3) if I believe he has really changed

4) that I feel slighted by the flirting and mixed messages he has been sending me up until 2 weeks ago which caused me to even consider working on “us”

5) WHY can’t I be a normal human being and just let things play out as they should and trust that what is meant to be will be?

 

All Men Are Secretly 13 Year Old Girls November 29, 2020

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 3:00 pm
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So Repo Man. Or The P.I. Or whatever I used to refer to him as for the past 5 years….As I can’t remember how to link a past blog post, here is the Cliff’s Notes Version:

I “met” him online close to 5 years ago. We didn’t actually meet in person until about 3 years ago. Repo Man doesn’t like to be alone. He hops from girlfriend to girlfriend to fiance to girlfriend. I only hear from him when he is either between girlfriends or needs relationship advice. Our 1st date was kiboshed because he ‘met the one’ on the Friday before our scheduled Sunday date. (He has since met no less than 10 ‘the ones’)

We have made several plans over the years that he inevitably cancels last minute. It has always bothered me a bit, but not tons as, although he is always super flirty with me and loves to ask ‘how come we never dated?’ (Uh, stop cancelling on me dumbass), as we weren’t actually dating, it was no biggie. This year those “plans” were super dramatic, involved and intrusive. For me. He wanted to move to my town and for whatever reason, it had to be immediately. Instead of letting him make a huge mistake, I dropped everything and researched and toured different places for him to live. He had the dates set so I cleared my schedule for his move. He went radio silent for about a week and then, 2 days before he was supposed to be here, he said he was going to give his current relationship one more try and thus wasn’t moving.

Whatevs, good for him. I really have no skin in this game and had decided long ago that he was a bit too ‘dramatic’ for me. He, on the other hand, I believe stayed in touch as Plan B. Radio silence set in (again) right after his latest decision. A few weeks later, I noticed his status (on FB – the root of all evil) was from another town (and state). He had, in fact, moved away. Okay, Good for him. Of course I still heard from him when he had issues or needed to talk thru things. He never seemed to go more than a month without a new girlfriend. The most recent relationship stories were super intense and, frankly, ridiculous. He would post tons of photos and tag the new woman and then, inevitably, any sign of her would disappear. I always assumed it was the woman unfriending/blocking him. Again, not my circus.

He was supposed to come for a visit in September as he still wanted to check out my town. September 27th, to be exact. I cleared my schedule, made touristy plans for his stay, cancelled a concert I was supposed to go to with friends as he didn’t want to go and got the guest room ready for his weekend visit.

My best friend encouraged me to “give him another shot”. I said no. I need someone with a bit more emotional maturity and less whininess drama. I was still happy to have him come for a visit and he always been super kind and nice to me, so why not?

2 nights before he was due to arrive, he canceled. Said he was sick. He cancelled his plane ticket. You can’t choose when you get sick, right? I told him to please rest up and take care of himself. That was the last contact for 2 months.

A couple weeks ago I saw his telltale signs of a new relationship. Photos were plastered all over FB including a cute pic of he and some woman at the beach with declarations of awesomeness. Too bad the date on the photos was September 27th. Wait. What?!

If there’s anything I hate more than flakes and stupidity, it’s being played for a fool. Nice going. I didn’t bother to message him as I assumed, as always, I would hear from him when this latest relationship fell apart.

I heard from him last week. He sent a text and wanted to know how a trip I had just taken went. I replied that the trip was good and that I hoped he was well. I then sent : “did I really see pics of you with a new woman on the beach dated the same weekend you were too sick to come see me?”

He sends back some scattered and SUPER defensive reply about how the dates were inaccurate (huh?) and how he didn’t appreciate me calling him a liar. Uh, what? I didn’t; I simply asked a question. Sure it was a bit passive aggressive, but too bad. After 5 years of him cancelling on me and ‘Plan B’ ing me, I was over it. I replied that I didn’t call him a liar and was simply asking a question as the dates coincided. Then I noted that he was being weirdly aggressive & defensive in his response.

He then declared “this is the last time I explain myself or my actions to you!” And then immediately blocked me on social media. What the ever living fuck?

Jesus! Drama queen much?! I am so tired of men not being able to have adult conversations or be honest. It’s so tiring. Apparently I hit a nerve. Or called him out on his bullshit. Either way, good riddance Repo Man. Now I understand why your relationships don’t last…….

Oh, and fuck you.

 

So….About Yesterday… November 25, 2020

I swear it had to be a full moon. I know it wasn’t, but damn, some weirdly stupid shit happened.

I am at my happy place for the winter. I was sitting on a friend’s patio when an ex friend (would love to share the backstory, but I have no clue what I did. No, really) walks by and calls me a bitch. Waot, what? I wasn’t even looking in her direction. She then calls another friend a c*nt, flips us off and calls us mean girls. Uhm, what just happened?

Although I love a good Mean Girls reference, we were all shocked. Oh, and pissed. I ‘may’ have suggested she adjust her meds after she called us all names. She then announced that she wasn’t on any (hmmm, may be something she wants to consider, just saying) and that I’M the one who needs to be medicated.

Hello dumbass, that’s what vodka is for. 😉 Kidding. Kind of. So surreal and unprovoked. People are nuts.

As if that wasn’t weird enough, I heard from Repo Man/The P.I. (I can’t remember what I used to call him or how to link previous posts 🙄). Mr. Nice Guy was either drinking or has some issues as it wasn’t pleasant……. stay tuned

 

Sometimes It Just Doesn’t Come…. September 15, 2020

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 7:47 am
Tags: , , , , , ,

The apology you deserve. The explanation you hoped for. The clarification you needed.  And you know what? That’s okay.

In a year that has been less than stellar for OH SO MANY reasons (I have a plethora of unpublished drafts from this year; and last for that matter), one long awaited positive has come about. I am done with Mr. OoT. Yes, finally. Yes, for real. No really. It’s been 6 weeks since our unnecessarily dramatic breakup. 6 weeks since he told me to (and I quote) “get the fuck out of his life and never speak to his family again”. While I absolutely did the 1st, he can fuck off if he thinks I’ll follow the 2nd.

It was so weird (and by weird, I mean super shitty) how things ended up playing out. We had taken a road trip to see his daughter’s family. Mr. OoT and I had gotten in an argument a few days prior where he threw something exceedingly personal that I trusted him with back in my face. I hadn’t yet forgiven him and wasn’t actually/finally sure that I could or would.

Mr. OoT was SUPER cold to me the entire trip and visit. He was his usual self involved narcissistic self. It was weird/sad/embarrassing/horrifying seeing our relationship through his daughter’s eyes. His entire family knows exactly who he is and what he’s capable of, so it was no surprise to them when or how it came about. Anyway, seeing our relationship through his daughter’s eyes was, frankly, embarrassing. Sure, Mr. OoT could be kind and charming and generous and chivalrous and complimentary and amazing when he wanted. He just didn’t want to. With me. Anymore.

I was basically a non entity in our relationship. Everything was always about him and I was (finally) tired of it. I had gone for a drive alone the day before we were set to leave. When I got back to the house I asked Mr. OoT if he wanted to stay an extra day as his daughter and her husband were disappointed that we were leaving the next day. His response to me was that he didn’t want to spend one more second with me than he had to and that he had been miserable every day for the last 6 months. Uhm, what the fuck?!

I have no clue what, exactly, had set him off on that particular day but I told him he either needed to apologize or he could find his own way home (500+ miles away). He opted to “double down” and throw in a few more scathing comments instead. So I did it. I left him there.

It took two and a half overly stressful and self confidence crushing years for me to come to this one conclusion. I DO matter. I SHOULD count. I DESERVE someone who makes me a priority at least part of the time.

I’m not going to lie, I cried most of those 500 solitary miles home. We have blocked each other on social media and have had zero contact (well, aside from that amazingly ill timed funeral thing that following week). Have I missed him? Yes. Have I missed having someone? Yes. Have I wanted to reach out? Also yes. Have I? No. And I’m not going to. I deserve better. I deserve respect and kindness and understanding and romance and butterflies. I deserve someone who will be kind to me even when I’m being a bitch. Someone who won’t hold our relationship for ransom. Someone who will still care when I am exhausted and have nothing to give. I deserve to be with someone who doesn’t make everything about him and on his terms; According to what he feels I deserve or have earned at that particular moment.

In these past 2 1/2 years we have fought countless times. Have broken up often. Have gotten back together way too much. He has called me horrible names and ignored my feelings. He has tuned me out more times than I can count. He has violated trusts. I’m self aware enough to realize I’m no picnic to be with, but even at my worst, I deserve unconditional love and kindness.

In the end though it was none of those things (or maybe it was all of those things) that finally had me walk away. I just knew I’d never be able to count on him when it mattered most. I was with a man who actually made me feel lonely and as if I didn’t matter. I don’t want to be lonely WITH someone. No one should be.

And thus, my friends who have waited for 2 1/2 infuriating years for me to finally listen to everyone and move on; I have. For my own feeling of self worth. For my own happiness. And, of course, for my horrifying stories of online dating. You’re welcome. 😉

 

“A” For Effort July 20, 2019

Or maybe, too little too late.  As I still haven’t told Mr. OoT to completely fuck off (am I waiting for a miracle?), he texts me most days.  Most days I don’t respond.  When I do, they are short, not so sweet and completely disconnected.  He phones me almost every day.  Almost every day I send him to voicemail.  I warned him once that if I get to the ‘shut down’ phase, it’s pretty impossible to get me to care again.  I’m kinda there.  Although I do still care, kind of, there’s no need for him to know that.

 

He sends me apologies, please forgive me’s, I’ll change(s) and a multitude of other niceties.  He talks of my upcoming birthday and future trips we’ll take together.  He talks of the future and how he’ll do everything possible to make me happy.  I never respond to these message.  They make me sad.  And a bit annoyed.  I gave him over a year to step up.  He didn’t.

 

He’s competitive.  Not sure if all these niceties are because he truly means them or he just wants to ‘win’.  I refuse to get back on the roller coaster.  Today’s apology was a good one.  He’s a huge music lover.  We’ve always exchanged UTube links to different songs that we like.  Songs that mean something to us.  Songs that make us happy.  Songs that tell the story of the day.

 

Today he sent me the link to The Petshop Boys “Always on my mind”, complete with lyrics.  It was sweet and sad and made me tear up just a little.  Too little, too late indeed ….

 

Just Like Ordering A Pizza July 16, 2019

I’ve used this analogy to describe the Male (and yes, female too) mindset of online dating. It also describes the mindset of daters in general.  Thinking you can pick and choose the traits (toppings) you want for your mate (such a lame term). Mr. OoT is no exception.  Sure, everyone has some idea of what they want, but to have a specific list is, IMHO, insane.

As we all realize that Mr. OoT may be a bit insane himself, he is super specific in what he likes. Oddly so.  Not in important qualities like education, ability to hold a conversation, good heartedness or anything else that I would put at the TOP of my list.  These qualities would go at the bottom of his.  While he knows that a ‘dumb’ girl wouldn’t be able to hold his attention due to his love of a good debate, I’m pretty sure this other list trumps that.  His list is of a different kind. Like down to footwear. He likes blondes. Blondes with bobbed hair cuts to be weirdly specific (and outdated). Blondes with bobbed hair cuts that wear sundresses. And Birkenstocks. And smoke weed (not the kind you find in my yard). For the record, and just to state the obvious, I am NONE of the above aside from being blonde.

The Spinner is all of the above. I know this from my super sleuthing. Down to the sundress. Specifically a really ugly one that she sent a photo of to Mr. OoT when he said he loved them. It was hanging on a clothesline in her backyard. Of course it was. *insert eye roll here*

I’m more edgy than hippie in my dress.  I prefer footwear that doesn’t look like I’ve been wearing them since the mid ’70s.  I hate sundresses.  You can’t wear a bra with them and they have super weird squared off necklines.  And they remind me of something a little girl would wear (sorry to all you sundress lovers out there, they’re just not for me).  My life’s ambition (besides catching a tapeworm) is to grow my hair long.  And dye it super dark brown.  Just like Mr. OoT hates.  Which I will be doing next weekend.

 

Protected: Como se Tinder? February 26, 2018

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And Off He Goes February 22, 2018

So he who still doesn’t have a blog name leaves for vacation today. He’ll be back in 10 days. I won’t. I don’t leave until next week and won’t be back until the 2nd week in March.

Seems like weird timing to meet someone. While I have never believed in ‘bad timing’ and always thought of it as an excuse (unless, of course, you’re about to be imprisoned or deported), maybe that’s what this is.

Our texting has been pretty surface lately. As my new dating coach, Matthew Hussey (seriously, check him out; he knows his shit and is HOT) suggested, I have not been the one to initiate texts. I have not been the needy one. I have not ‘tested’ the situation.

Tonight Mr Vacation (oh, look who just got assigned a completely unimaginative blog name) sent a text apologizing for being incommunicado and kinda bleh the past couple of days. As it was completely unprompted, it was nice. Hey, maybe this shit works! Normally I would completely validate him and not want him to feel bad so would normally excuse everything. As I’m trying to embrace a new normal, all I said was that I appreciated his apology. And then I did something I normally wouldn’t do for fear of sounding needy or *gasp* letting him know I was interested. I told him that I wished that we could have gotten together before he left. Nope, wasn’t even guilt trippy or passive aggressive. It was just a statement and I left it at that.

He responded right back with another apology and saying he wished we could have gotten together as well, but that he just sort of ran out of time. While the old Grey would get all gushy and forgiving and let him off the hook because ‘look! he likes me!’, the new Grey isn’t so sure. He did have time to see me. He had time to see friends. He just didn’t prioritize seeing me and has, in fact, now run out of time.

Maybe we’ll chat while he’s gone, maybe we won’t. I’m not going to initiate anything and I’m not going to worry about it. I’m going to enjoy the hell out of my own damn vacation! Of course I won’t completely write him off as I do think he’s a good guy, but I will pay attention to what he does when I return.

Let’s face it. I don’t really know this guy. We’ve only met once. We’ve since exchanged about 400 text messages. Who knows what will happen. Here’s the difference between old & (hopefully) new Grey; I know what I want and what I deserve. I don’t need to make everything so easy by making myself so available. No, that doesn’t mean I need or want to make things difficult either. It just means I’ll pay attention and while I can ‘mirror’ his effort, I will not do all the work.

Now, while I never lie to others, we all know that I’m pretty damn good at lying to myself, so I guess we’ll see…..

 

Fast Track February 8, 2018

Not sure what this phrase even means.  I guess it’s up for interpretation.  To me it means getting to point B from point A as fast as possible.  To me it implies taking shortcuts and not really valuing the quality of the ‘route’ but just trying to accomplish something as fast as possible.  Mistakes and shoddy quality be damned.

You can imagine the look I gave my friend as we sat at happy hour on Monday with a mutual friend who is married.  We were regaling her with our stories of online dating.  My friend, who is my Bumble compatriot, says ‘yeah, Grey is on the fast track’.  Wasn’t quite sure how to take that.  Of course my 1st inclination was to be offended.  And I sort of was.

Is that what I’m doing by being on several dating sites at once and going on more than the average number of dates?  I never thought of it as ‘fast tracking’ (proven my 7 years, give or take, of online dating – thus, the blog).  I think of it more as a game of numbers.  And by game, I of course mean a lengthy and soul crushing journey to find the bright shinny penny in the piles of garbage.  Yes, there’s someone for everyone.  My someone just seems to be hiding.  Either that or I’ve already met him and scared him off.  Yikes. That thought scares the hell out of me.  I’ll choose to go with the hiding theory.

I am currently on Bumble, Plenty of Fish & Tinder.  I have several pen pals on Tinder.  I’ve yet to meet anyone off of there.  I’m still on the fence as to whether it’s a hookup site or not.  Plenty of Fish provided NYE date and several unsuitable dates.  Bumble is just kind of ‘meh’.  I did remember another phone based dating app called ‘Coffee Meets Bagel’ that I downloaded last weekend and which has provided me with 2 matches so far.  1 I met last night and 1 is currently annoying the hell out of me with text messages.  I never activated my ‘Our Time’ profile, so that doesn’t count.  So let’s see, I’m on 4 apps right now.

Is that too many?  I honestly don’t think it is or that I’m fast tracking anything.  Do I want to meet someone?  Hell yes!  Am I willing to settle?  Uhm, no.  Do I get attached MUCH too quickly to men that I don’t yet really know?  Sadly, yes, but it happens very rarely as I usually swing towards the other end of the spectrum and don’t feel a connection with most.  Am I okay being alone?  Well, my friends, that is the true question.  And I don’t really have an answer for that these days.

So here are the facts: She’s on one site and has had met 1 man this year.  I’m on four sites and have met 8.  We’re both still single.  Who’s way is right? As we all know my favorite thing in the universe to do is to overthink things (2018 resolutions be damned), she now has me wondering …….

 

****edited to add: before all the haters out there bash me for being ‘too picky’, I assure you, I’m not.  While I don’t have one of those dreaded ‘lists’ that I expect men to meet, I DO expect to feel the slightest desire to kiss or be kissed by one of them****go about your days now ❤

 

 

The Ginger February 6, 2018

I love me a good ginger.  No, really.  No clue what it is about red haired men, but I just love them.  I find them quirky and funny and by and large, just really good guys.  So of course when I was sitting at a friend’s house and we were companionably swiping on our Bumble options side by side, we came across the same cute ginger at the same time.  While I went ‘yey, a ginger!’ she went ‘bleck’.  Oh well, that’s what makes the world go round, I guess.  Left swipes and Right ones (figuratively and literally).

I messaged back and forth with The Ginger for a while and discovered that he’s not actually from here.  Oh.  Boo.  He travels for business.  I called him out on having a bumble in every port and he clarified that it’s a fun way to meet a new friend for a drink when traveling.  Oh, okay.  Makes sense.  I totally believed him (which, as you know, it’s not a strong point of mine) and asked when he was leaving town.

I ended up meeting him the next night for drinks at a place that I chose.  He was adorable.  In a total Richie Cunningham sort of way.  For those of you that are too young to understand that reference, fuck off your loss.  It was a bit stilted and awkward at 1st, but either due to the vodka sodas or just feeling more comfortable with one another, it turned into a great date!!  We ended up staying for hours; talking, laughing, telling stories and just generally having a really good time.  No clue if there were any sparks (on either end), but as he doesn’t live here anyway, I took it for what it was.  A really fun evening.  We ended up exchanging numbers and said we’d keep in touch.

Now, if only I could have a date that good with someone local………..

 

I May Have Sprained My Finger February 4, 2018

Yes, so I’m now an official Tinder-er. Many faces appear before me that I can choose to swipe left (no thank you) or right (yes, please) on. Guess which one I do more of?  Contrary to popular belief (and my own sometimes), I am not desperately looking for someone.  It just sure would be nice ……

Anywhoo, most men don’t put any sort of verbiage with their profile pic, so it’s purely based on looks. Perfect for a superficial bitch like me! Me, being the chatty Cathy that I have been known to be, wrote an actual little cliff’s notes blurb about who I am and whom I am looking for. Being as it’s Tinder, I can only assume it has yet to be read. Luckily, I’ve got some great pics of myself (once I crop out all of my friends and the multitude of cocktails that are usually scattered about, of course).

I’ve matched with several guys so far. Most just sit lined up across the top of my matches page waiting, like an annoying game of chicken, to see who writes 1st. I don’t write 1st. I leave it to them. Yes, that’s just how excited I am about my matches. 😉 Several of them have stepped up and written me. And I’ve written back. Look a me go!

1st there was the 40 year old military hottie whose first question to me was asking what I was looking for on Tinder. With all the self awareness that I could muster, I responded with ‘honestly, I’m not sure’, to which he replied that he was either looking for a serious relationship or a friend. Bullshit. I unmatched us.

Next was a guy that I couldn’t help but feel I had met before. As I’m fairly new to town, I was a little stumped by this. Anyway, we chatted back and forth for a while and he was a bit competitive, more than a bit full of himself and kept giving me clues as to who he is as a human. Not good. All of a sudden I remembered who he was! I had met him, over the summer, when he sat down next to me at a popular bar in town (yes, some things never change). We had started chatting and I found him extremely unlikable at the time. Add to that the fact that he was about 5’7″ and maybe 115 lbs and I just wanted him to go away. I didn’t tell Mr Tinder that we had met before and was just trying to decide how to end our online chat. Luckily he helped me out when he asked what I was doing later that night. I told him I was having dinner and drinks with a friend. He then responded with ‘sounds fun, hit me up after if you want to come over and work off that dinner.” Uhm, no. I didn’t even bother to respond. Unmatch….

I am chatting with a seemingly ‘normal’ and none too harsh on the eyes man.  He just seems nice.  I realize guys hate that descriptor, but honestly, I think it’s a good thing to be considered nice.  Very good.  Anyway, we’ve been chatting back and forth for a few days.  And he has not hinted once about wanting to meet.  Really?! I can only be my charming and witty self for so long with someone I haven’t even met yet.  Pull the trigger dude!

Oh, and for the record, I’ve swiped left FAR more than I’ve swiped right.  Just sayin’…..

 

Support January 31, 2018

It’s important.  And I’m not talking about in a new bra kinda way.  Although I did just get some of those in the anticipation that someone might actually see them in the not so distant future, but we all know how that went.  So for now, it’s just me & my dog that get to partake in the visual.  However, my online dates get to benefit from the newly found perk.  But I digress …..

I fixate.  A lot.  For a strong, independent Type A personality, I am oddly needy and insecure at times.  Usually around men.  Oh hell, who am I kidding?  Always around men. Men that I like. No clue when this all started as I didn’t used to be this way.  I was the one in college that would party with, sleep with and not give a care about some of the hottest and nicest guys on campus.  I just wasn’t worried about it.  I was young and cute and had my shit together.  That seems like a lifetime ago.

Anywhoo, you all know my new theory about dating down.  About only dating guys that don’t make me insane.  Only dating guys that I will be happy to see, but not obsess about if I don’t.  The way I fixate on men is truly disturbing.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean fixate in a Glenn Close, boiled pet bunny sort of way.  My fixations only wreak havoc on my own psyche and that of my friends as they have to listen to me spin out of control.

I was out with my best girlfriend in town last night.  Her son and several of his friends were there as well.  I stated my new dating decision to her.  She looked at me inquisitively and I said, with as much self awareness as I’ve always had ‘I just can’t handle dating men that I’m totally into; it makes me a little insane’.  Being the good and supportive friend that she is, she rolled her eyes and declared ‘no shit’.  She fully supports this new decision of mine.

I am off to meet a new online date.  I promise you that if he is too handsome, too nice, too smart, too witty, too anything, that I will high tail it out of there as fast as I can.  Here’s hoping that he’s ‘just nice enough’ for me to not spin out of control……..

 

Don’t Ask What You Don’t Want To Know… May 17, 2017

I’ve long subscribed to this way of thinking. Also known as ‘bury your head in the sand’. I’ve almost perfected it. Almost. Not always the best way to go about (or not go about as the case may be) things. On my never ending quest to evolve and stop being such a whiny baby, I am trying to be an adult about some thing. Just some. No need to panic.

Remember Repo Man? The seemingly great guy from Bumble that I never actually met? The one who started a ‘relationship’ with (aka, slept with her) the day before we were supposed to meet? The one who checked in on me the entire time he was dating said train wreck? The one who, when he broke up with said train wreck, told me that he wanted to meet but wasn’t quite ready yet? The one who, when he was ready, and after several phone calls, proceeded to cancel our 2nd date due to his dad being sick never to be heard from again? Yeah, that one.

It’s been bugging me as to what ever happened. Yes, I know, but I am apparently no longer the gal that didn’t give a shit what guys thought and knew that if a guy passed me up, that it was his loss and not mine. Damn.

As neither of us ever unmatched the other on Bumble, we could both see that the other was still on there. He even changed his profile photo about a month ago. What? He’s right there, on my home page! Anywhoo, today is the day I figured I would ask. Couldn’t hurt, right? Yes, I know “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me”. I always kind of knew in the back of my mind that he was playing with me. That I was his Plan B. I joked about it, until I realized it was true. Oh. Shit.

So I texted him today asking what ever happened. And he told me. And although I know full well that it had nothing to do with ‘me’, it still made me feel like shit. He apologized for being a flake. He apologized for not contacting me. He apologized for not following through. He claimed that he didn’t want to take me on the ‘roller coaster ride’ that he was on. I LOVE roller coasters! Well, not the emotional ones.

He has been ‘off and on’ with his ex. The ex that I counseled him on. The one that he said was thoughtless and self-centered, yet gorgeous. The one that he absolutely didn’t see a future with. You know the 1st fucked up thought that came to my mind when reading this? Well, why wouldn’t he call me during one of his ‘off’ times? How messed up is that?! I know full well that I should thank him for not dragging me into his indecision, but instead I wondered what it was about me that made him (and so many others) decide that I wasn’t even worth exploring? Damn, I hate days like this ……

 

 Listening & Hearing Are Two Completely Different Things…. March 6, 2017

Or something like that.  Cheryl, one of my lovely (and apparently bored) followers has asked for an update on Mr. Met In Person. As I try my best to oblige (and really have nothing better to do), here ya’ go!

I met Mr. In Person well, in person.  Duh.  We had a great talk and really hit it off.  He asked for my number, I got all giddy and ridiculous and thought how awesome it was for someone to ask, in person, for my number rather than going through the angst and potential disaster of  meeting someone from online.  Yey me.

He then proceeded to not call me.  Super.  Once we finally did connect, he asked me out.  Yippeee!  However, it took us several tries for us to get our schedules in sync.  He works ridiculously long hours and is very VERY set in his schedule.  Although I’m a busy gal as well and often escape out of town on weekends, I tried my best to accommodate his limited availability.

We went out several times and really seemed to hit it off.  He’s a GOOD guy.  Good enough that I sort of forgave his admittedly shit-show of a personal life and ‘situation’ with his not yet to be ex wife.  Oopsie, he kinda forgot to tell me that fun tidbit until last week.  He still shares a house with his not yet ex wife and their son.  As ridiculous as that sounds to me, I do have friends that have done the same thing for the perceived benefit of their child.  While I don’t agree with this and feel that people don’t give their kids enough credit for ‘knowing what’s going on’, it’s not my place to say, I’m not a mom.

Anyway, he tells me all the complicated ins and outs of his personal and work life and I decided, because I’m the queen of bad decisions and giving people the benefit of the doubt, that I can deal with this.  We’d been out several times at that point (all oddly odd times as his schedule truly sucks and he is unwavering in his ‘norm’).  We spoke a little about the upcoming weekend that I would be in town and that he wouldn’t have his son with him.  I was very much looking forward to spending some quality time with him as all our prior dates were pretty much 2 hours long.  Exactly.  We hadn’t spoken about any specific plans for the weekend, but I let him know that I was looking forward to it and he replied in kind.

We spoke a bit about my vacation home as well and how I would love to take him there at some point in the future as it is in a place that he hasn’t been in 10 years and was looking forward to going back to.  Look at us proceeding at a normal (whatever that is) pace!

I was in said vacation place Saturday when I received his excited text telling me that he was planning a trip to said town the following weekend.  The weekend that we had talked about my need to be at home and how much I was looking forward to seeing him. IN town. He said he hoped I would be able to join him in said vacation locale and that he already booked a hotel.  Uhm, wait.  First of all, I own a place there, on the beach.  As he neither knows what part of the beach or even the general location of my place, how did he know where to book a hotel?  Why wouldn’t he wait to talk to me and coordinate a weekend that we could both be there?  Why, after 10 years of not being there, did he have to go right then and there?  Of course, I didn’t say any of these things to him.

What I did say was that I couldn’t get out-of-town that next weekend and that I was sad that he chose the weekend we had already spoken about doing something in our home town together to travel and that I had been looking forward to being his tour guide when we did make it to said vacation destination.  What I got in return was a 9 part text message explaining that our schedules are apparently too conflicting and that he doesn’t have the time, or inclination to pursue a romantic relationship right now.  What.  The.  Fuck.  I am quite certain that if I had said that I could drop everything and be at the whim of his stupid spur of the moment ridiculousness, I wouldn’t have gotten said break up text, but as I live in reality, that’s not what happened.  I am sad, mad, disappointed and a bit astounded that he did this. It makes absolutely no sense to me.

A fun little aside is the entire text message thing.  He hates text messaging.  I am of the mind that text message is for short little ‘nothing’ messages (hi, how are you? thinking of you, have a good day, etc…) and NOT for any sort of serious conversations.  We actually had this conversation on Tuesday when we last saw each other. He agreed.  And he still opted to break up with me via text……awesome.