Cleaning House

Yey!  Figuratively and literally.  Getting rid of things that I don’t need or that don’t bring me joy or make me smile.  Okay fine, so I’m keeping my exercise clothes and practical shit, but you know what I mean.  Time to clear out anything (and anyone) that doesn’t make me happy or isn’t of use.  I’ve found many things today, some made me incredibly happy (like the birthday card from a friend that is just frickin’ hysterical) while others, incredibly sad (a 1st draft of the original ‘I can’t do this anymore’ letter to TD from back in October).  I just have too much ‘stuff’.  Physical and mental.

I do this every now and again.  I decide it’s time for a change and then it ends up being a total bulk trash jackpot when I just get rid of a little of everything.  My poor doggies are holding on for dear life in the hopes that they get to stay in ‘keep’ pile.  So far I’ve flipped my mattress, changed all of my bedding (including breaking out an awesome new comforter set), tossed a shitpot of clothes and ‘stuff’ into the goodwill pile, thrown out a bazillion pieces of paperwork that I will inevitably need two days from now ;-), cleaned my bathroom, done laundry and have some plans for my office and workroom on the agenda for later today.  I’ve collected everything that belongs to TD and put it in a big pile to be returned to him at some point (hypothetically by the UPS man, but really, does anyone see me passing up an opportunity to make the oh so symbolic drop off myself?)

Included in my whirlwind today, I’ve also changed the picture associated with my blog.  It’s an awesome picture.  I look great ;-). Yup, that’s me and TD.  Why the hell would I choose a picture that had him in it?  Honestly, because that’s one of the happiest times I’ve had in the past year.  I remember that night like it were yesterday (even though it was back in December and I’m semi-senile) and I refuse to let the fact that he’s turned into a bit of a douche detract from that.  It was an awesome night and I need to own that and not give in to the idea that it was so great because of him.  Sure, he contributed to it, but I am in control of my happiness and I will have that killer smile back on my mug hopefully sooner than later.  I don’t need him for that.  Really, I don’t.

All of this, of course, is an attempt to distract myself for the ‘real’ thing that I need to get rid of.  We all have a stash or ‘what if’ stuff.  Be it clothes (what if I lose weight and it will fit?  what if I *gasp* gain weight and need something to wear? what if that awesome shirt that only I love comes back in style?  Okay, that’s a bad example as I don’t follow trends in fashion, but whatever).  Or be it people.  What if he/she changes?  What if he/she (no, not in an androgynous sense) comes around?  If it doesn’t work for me today, then it doesn’t work.  Yes, I know, relationships take work, just not this much for a non-relationship.  It’s all symbolic, but makes me feel like I can do it.  Out with the old, in with the new ya’ know?  I love that saying ‘if it ain’t broke, then why fix it’?  It’s high time I fix what is broken around here.  Although not that handy, I’m pretty sure I can do it. 🙂

Now, can I interest anyone in some killer shoes, size 8?