What If I Provide A Handle?

Honestly people, a little accuracy in online profiles would be very much appreciated.  Remember that ‘fun’ update from my last post? Yeah, not so much. I met Tall, Dark & Handsome tonight and well, he was Dark.  He was also just barely taller than me and a good 20lbs heavier than his photos.  Awesome.  I’m not a total bitch when it comes to meeting these guys and I will even forgive a bit of poetic license when one describes themselves less than truthfully.  IF and I mean only IF they can keep me entertained either with their quick wit, or intelligence or general ability to carry a conversation.  I am none too happy that BOTH of my dates from today were shitty conversationalists.  Really people?  How did you survive this long not being able to just talk to someone.

He tried, I know that.  It just wasn’t good.  I felt like I was being interviewed.  He asked if I like the water.  I explained my love of the ocean.  He asked if I snow skied.  I said no because of my knees.  He then asked me if I snowboarded.  WTF didn’t he understand about bad knees?  He asked about my family (lovely).  I told him that we don’t get along.  He then asked me if I get along with them.  Uh?????? I asked him what his favorite restaurant in town is and I swear it took him a full 3 minutes to pick one!  Jesus!  I asked him where his last vacation was to and that took him another 2 minutes to remember (it was only last year dipshit).  He asked me about mine and I told him about my cruise and my love of just laying by the pool up on deck and reading and relaxing.  He then asked me if I liked the sun.  Uh, yeah…….

Anyway, about an hour into this I started trying to formulate an escape plan.  He asked if I wanted another drink and you all know things aren’t going well when I turn down free alcohol.  I had stopped asking him questions by this time and decided to take a new track on my answers.  I painted myself as a total drunk party girl (okay, so it’s only a slight exaggeration 😉 ) who goes out 5 nights a week and has been to every bar in town.  He didn’t pick up on it!!!! He starts asking me about my friends!  What the hell?!

The one (ONE) funny thing that happened was when I asked him about his worst date and he told me about the lady that proposed to him on their 2nd date.  Now it wasn’t funny because it actually happened, it was funny because I think he really should have accepted as that shit isn’t ever going to happen again!

Anyway, another 20 minutes has passed by now and I’m still stumped on how to get out of there because although he was boring me to tears, he was a nice guy and I have a hard time (believe it or not) being a total bitch to nice guys.  I must have done something nice today as the Karma gods took pity on me and some horrid live band appeared out of nowhere and started playing!  Yey me!  I said that they were giving me a headache so he finally paid the bill and we left.  And he walked me to my car and of course………. asked me out again.  Really?  I wasn’t interesting or nice or witty (I was funny though – I entertain the hell out of myself) or anything.  Damn my decision to wear a cute short dress complete with cleavage.  I certainly won’t make that mistake again.

Why why why can’t people carry a conversation?  Why must I be bored all the time?  Why must these guys ask lame ‘interview-ish’ question?  Dammit I’m so sick of meeting guys that are socially awkward.  Yeah, whatever, so I compared him to the last non socially awkward guy that I met where the conversations just flowed (not mentioning any names) and I just can’t believe the difference.  And I’m sad.  And pissed.  And wondering what the hell it’s going to take for me to be able to meet someone who I’m not only attracted to, but who can entertain me?  ‘Cause at this amazing rate of 1 out of every 30, I’m going to be in a friggin’ assisted living home (or drug rehab) by the time the next one appears. 😦 Boo me.