The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

Breaking Up May Be Hard To Do; But Living Together After Can Be Harder ……… (guest post by Matthew) August 6, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 12:45 pm
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Here’s another great guest blog post by Matthew! ūüôā

Where we last left off (before some of living situation drama) the Ex had sat me down and said, “I have something I need to tell you.”


She then followed by saying that things weren’t going to work between us. We both had different lives. We grew up with different things, different experiences and we both wanted different things out of the future.
I was quiet for a little while before I started to snicker as I told her I had seen this coming, that I had been preparing for it. That though it still came as a bit of a shock I understood and agreed that things had been stacked up against us for a while.
Long story short we ended up having a very calm, respectful and understanding conversation while ending a 16 month partnership. In the end we agreed that for the time being it would be easier to give each other space once we moved out of the house we had been sharing. That maybe a friendship would be able to be salvaged but only time would be able to tell regarding that. We agreed that boundaries would be in place, the most important being sleeping arrangements. I volunteered to sleep on the couch in the living room since I had to get  up every morning at 4:30 to get ready for work so it only made sense.
That weekend I decided to give her some space and I crashed elsewhere for a few nights.
Three days later when I returned home the vibe had completely changed. I was met with anger, hostility and frustration. I was dumb-struck. It seemed like the plan to try and live in a¬†civilized¬†co-existence had been altered. The only reasoning I could come up with was that perhaps she felt it would be easier to live together if she hated me. Fights were picked. I wasn’t going to sit back and be disrespected and defended myself. I am not proud to admit that¬†occasionally¬†some things were said purely out of anger. I am typically not a prideful man, but I do often take pride in trying to adhere to the rule that “I don’t say anything I don’t mean.” Words are very important to me. Words are just as important as actions. Words are like an agreement you make with your own soul. Words can lie to others but they can’t lie to yourself; so why waste the time saying something that isn’t true?
Things carried on like this in a roller coaster type fashion. Some days were better than others. Other days we were completely fine and able to be in the same house without any tension. Still, those days were few and far between. That is until a couple of days ago…when things blew up in epic¬†proportions. It was probably the worst, and most heated, argument we have had in the entire time knowing each other.
As life tends to make things interesting it appears that we had to reach our deepest, darkest place before finding the “light”. I am happy to say that the following day we both made our apologies and had a much needed conversation about the remaining time we had in the house together.
About a week remains before I move into my new apartment. Though we will finally begin to have the much needed space and time apart from one another our paths will not be completely disconnected until the end of the month.
Hopefully things will not extend beyond that point. I really need to just move on with things (namely my life) and can not do so until all ties have been severed completely. Once that happens, only time will tell if we’ll ever cross paths again.

5 Responses to “Breaking Up May Be Hard To Do; But Living Together After Can Be Harder ……… (guest post by Matthew)”

  1. everevie Says:

    I’m a little confused about your timeline…so does this mean you’ve cleared the air since “the incident”?

    • Matthew Says:

      In a way. Arrangements have been made that all parties (she, I, and the landlord) agree upon. Even should the air become completely “cleared” it doesn’t change the fact that for both our benefit any and all contact will simple cease to exist once I am moved out.

      • everevie Says:

        Oh okay…I gotcha. I was reading some things into what you said about being friends on down the line, etc. I guess maybe you wrote that part of the post pre-revelation.

  2. ifUseekAmy Says:

    UGH, that pretty much sums it up. Damn, sorry Matthew. People really suck sometimes. The no contact thing is crucial, especially when there was a incident of disrespect on her part. (Hopefully you won’t find out that she married the next guy she meets 6 months later…I’m sure it won’t, cause that crap only happens to me :O)

    • Matthew Says:

      This entire experience has been like white water rafting. At times it’s calm and other times you’re almost being thrown out of the raft. It will definitely do us both good to not be in contact for a while (and that means a long while); though this city is “small” enough that I’m sure I’ll paths will cross at some point.

      And it wouldn’t bother me one bit if she did end up meeting some guy and marrying him (though one reason we didn’t work out is because she never wants to get married and I eventually do.)

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