The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

Dr AWESOME is Kinda Not So Awesome….. May 26, 2013

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 5:14 pm
Tags: , , , ,

So we all know I was less than enthused about meeting Dr AWESOME today.  Not sure why I went through with it.  What you don’t know is that in addition to that stellar text he sent me yesterday, he sent me several more.  1 asking me for a photo of myself that he could put on his phone (creepy & no).  1 asking if we could push our meeting time back a bit (yey as it gave me the opportunity to say ‘sure, but I won’t have much time to spend with you ;-)).  1 was a picture of himself.  An unsolicited and unappreciated one.  Of him, standing in a full length mirror showing off his well-defined biceps, triceps, legs & er ……. yeah.  Thanks.  Why the hell would you send me a picture of you in light grey tight boxer briefs that pretty much show everything (including the sock I’m sure he stuffed down there)?  Gross.  I should have cancelled but needed a good blog post.  No, really, I give guys waaaay too much credit sometimes for actually being AWESOME instead of just CREEPY and hoped that there would be some saving grace.

Anywho, departure time comes to go meet him and as I’m so very excited, I opt out of changing clothes and instead head out in my wrinkled grey capri pants, bright pink off the shoulder top and flip flops.  Complete with chipped toe-nail polish.  For some odd reason though my hair looks really good today, so maybe that will counterbalance everything else.  Or maybe I don’t even care.  As I am headed towards my beloved coffee date destination (insert sarcasm here), I get a text that he’s running late.  AWESOME. ;-)Meh, he’s driving all the way over to my side of town, so he’s forgiven.  And as it will give us less time to actually spend together since I have a prior engagement with my couch and my dogs at 2 that I told him about, I’m kinda glad.  I know, I know, he’s a lucky guy.  Keep in mind though, that AMAZINGLY gross picture he sent me last night.

I get there and text him that I’m sitting outside.  He arrives, all 5’9″ of him in shiny exercise shorts, tennis shoes and a mustard yellow colored sleeveless workout shirt.  Huh.  Apparently I didn’t need to worry about what I was wearing.  Immediately Mr. Sports Medicine Guru/Motivational Speaker Nimrod starts lecturing me on how AWESOME life is.  How AMAZING he is.  How SHITTY most of the human population is.  And random other uber judgemental things.  Here are just a few highlights:

1) He wants to live until he’s 125

2) He thinks Americans eat like shit and has actually made up his own acronym for it S.A.D. ‘standard american diet’.  He thinks that ANY disease/illness can be cured through diet.

3) He thinks he’s absolutely AMAZING

4) He wants to work forever and never retire

5) He loves being on the ‘go’ all the time

Here were my observations:

1) Who the hell wants to live that long and watch everyone around them die?

2) Why on earth would you lump ‘everyone’ in the same category

3) He really needs a bit more S.A.D. in his all fruit/vegetable/raw/vegan diet as he’s got about 3% body fat and veins bulging out of his arms, legs and bald head (not a good look for anyone!)

Of course the second I decided he was a totally narcissistic horse’s ass, I opted to have some fun and disagree with everything he said.  Funny, he didn’t like to be challenged on his beliefs.  Go figure.  After about 20 minutes of listening to him spew his ridiculous nonsense, I told him I had to go.  Sadly, he opted to give me a hug, so I totally obliged with an ‘ass out’ one and hurried off to my car.  As I was pulling out of the parking lot and texting my AWESOME dating coach I receive a text from him saying that he didn’t feel a spark (oh darn) but that he’d like to be friends.  Isn’t that sweet?  Uh, no.  Not only would I never date him but I actually see no great benefit to being friends with someone who feels they are far superior to everyone else.  And believe me folks…….he isn’t.

As a final fuck you to Dr AWESOME, I stopped at McDonald’s on the way home to enjoy some S.A.D.  What a jackass……..


9 Responses to “Dr AWESOME is Kinda Not So Awesome…..”

  1. 1smiles Says:

    omg.. hope you thoroughly enjoyed McDonald’s! What a creep. I’m certain he only meets dates in the hope of finding someone who will totally feed his narcissistic hunger.

    • I certainly did! He was certainly a piece of work and kept ‘probing’ me to see if I was happy with my life ……. uh, for the most part, sure …… just not this date! 🙂

  2. Hahahaha…you are AWESOME…I am sure I have told you that before, but I am saying it again. If I was single I would totally date you 🙂 xox

  3. msjacque2013 Says:

    I hate coffee dates. I truly think it’s a cheap mans date.

    Thanks for the morning laughs. Love your posts!

    • He hit the jackpot with me on this one because I didn’t even order anything as I knew I wasn’t staying long! I view coffee dates as lame interviews so will never even agree to one unless I think he’s a longshot 😉 (i’d much rather have a cocktail over a coffee any day!)

      Glad my horrible dates are entertaining 🙂

  4. Janet in Philly Says:

    GG, if I hadn’t been through some of these ‘dates’ myself, I would think you were making up these guys. Sadly, no. I admire your perseverance.

  5. SillyG Says:

    Flip. He sounds like an infomercial.

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