43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Well Shit, It’s That Time of Year Again….. November 18, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 7:09 pm

Nope, not talking about Thanksgiving and the subpoena to spend time with family. Nor am I really talking about Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanza or even New Years Eve *shudder*. I’m talking about the sheer fact that since 2014 is almost over, I am looking back on all that’s happened this year and all that I haven’t accomplished and it’s kind of been a wasted year. Again. For those of you keeping track, that makes about 3 consecutive so far. Darn.

I hid all my online profiles again. Kinda hard to online date when no one can actually see your profile, right? I only lasted a couple of weeks this last time around. The guys were flakey or not serious or heaven knows what, but they weren’t all that intent on pursuing me and I wasn’t excited enough about any of them to follow up.

I did read a blog post yesterday by someone I’ve been following (no, not literally, that would just be creepy) that reminded me of the younger (if you can call 45 young) me. I wish I could save her the impending heartbreak that is headed her way and although I’m certain she knows what she needs to do, her heart just won’t listen to her head.

I’ve been thinking about TD a lot lately. Not sure why as I really haven’t been. I keep wondering ‘why’, but the fact of the matter is, who cares what the ‘why’ was/is. He wasn’t interested in me. He never was. I was a ‘gap filler’ for him. Someone is better than no one right? Uh, wrong. I stuck around and kept going back in the hopes that he would change his mind. He didn’t and all this served to do was make me jealous and paranoid and admittedly more than a little crazy. It sapped me of my self confidence or ability to see what was going on. I stayed because I wanted it to be me that he ‘talked himself into’ (pathetic, I know), it didn’t happen. It changed me and I’m pretty sure he’s ended up hating me. The fact that he’s now decided he’s in love with horse face (and, btw, given her the same present that he gave his crazy ex) after all the things he’s said about her, boggles my mind. That’s his deal though, not mine.

Do I miss him? Of course I do. Do I miss his little mind/word games and always making me feel bad? Uh, no way in hell. Was I ever in love with him? You bet. We used to be pretty amazing together. That’s not what it turned into though and it took his ignoring my text to come see me in the hospital after my surgery or even check on me in the 4 months following to figure it all out. Sure, I’ve seen him since then and he’s done some exceptionally nice things for me, but I’m pretty sure it’s out of a sense of guilt and nothing else. He projected all blame onto me for all that went wrong. I get it. He told me that he can no longer trust me because I walked away; several times. He doesn’t seem to fully understand the reasons why. In the end though, I just beat him to the punch. I do wish things had turned out differently, but they didn’t.

So basically, I’m alone right now. And it’s not as pathetic as I thought. I have some terrific friends and have been doing all sorts of fun things (thank you meetup). It’s not quite the same as having someone to wake up next to or sit in front of a roaring fire with, but for now, it will do.

Will I go back online? You bet your ass I will. Will I give up on finding ‘my one’? Absolutely not. Will I be 90 years old and sporting an oxygen tank that matches my slippers and belt by the time I find him? Most likely ….


I’d Like To Rescind That Wink Please October 7, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 11:49 am

As per usual, I am half assing my way through my 3 month membership on Match. I’m still kinda kicking myself for falling for their sly marketing tactics and apathetically deciding that $30 for 3 months wasn’t so bad. It has been. We all know that I base my cost/benefit analysis of online dating on a factor of how many cocktails it would take me to recoup my investment. I’m way behind this go around. 1 $5 coffee. Damn.

So anyway, I got a couple of winks yesterday and a couple of half assed messages. Who am I to judge, right? Oh wait, I do judge. Whoopsie. As I didn’t want to be rude (ha), I decided to send half assed replies. This is not my usual mode of operation and if something sends me a great message and I am interested, I will send an equally great (ish) response. Heck, I even send first contact messages! Anywhoo, I replied a gentleman who is slender (uhm, great, like I need anything else to make me feel like a fat sloth) who lives out of town as well as a tall guy who is, well, tall.

When you respond on match, they immediately post a few profiles at the bottom of the page of men you might be interested in based on their similarity to the one you just messaged. How kind of them. Up popped a guy who was okay looking, but whose pictures were cute, captions were funny and his profile didn’t read like a 2nd grader had written it. So I sent him a wink. While I was still reading. And right after I sent it, I get to the part that say, in all caps, ‘SLENDER WOMEN ONLY AND NO BLACKS’. I shit you not! I almost fell off my chair. What an ass!

Lesson learned. Read entire profile before contacting in any way. I’m now off to hang my head in shame for sending this tool a wink…..


A Date!! October 5, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:43 pm

No need to get too excited. It was for coffee. Which I don’t consider a date. More of an interview it always seems like. He was nice enough. Good sense of humor. Seemed to REALLY enjoy talking about himself. We met, we drank mediocre mochas, we laughed, we were done. I think it was a mutual disinterest. We hugged good bye and both said ‘nice meeting you’, which we all know means ‘thanks, but no’. And that was that.

Until he texted me 3 days later to see how my day was going. Far be it from me to be rude (ha), so I responded. And heard nothing back. Until another 2 days had passed. Apparently sending just 1 text every 2-3 days is going to be our thing. Ahhh romance, how I miss you….


No More Mrs Nice Guy September 30, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 10:59 am
Tags: , , ,

So I tried my new theory of responding to messages from guys I wasn’t interested in to let them know exactly once.  And I’m still paying for it.

A gentleman that I wasn’t the least bit interested in wrote me a message.  I kindly responded saying we weren’t a good match.  He writes back, calling me the wrong name, and wanting to know why I felt that way.  As I thought it would be rude of me to say I wasn’t attracted to him in the least, I made up some bullshit about our astrological signs not being compatible and I just didn’t feel like I connected with anything he wrote.

Nice, right? Nothing he could argue with and nothing that would hurt his feelings.  I was rewarded with yet another message asking if I was sure and if I shouldn’t at least give him a shot.

I didn’t respond.  Today he sends yet ANOTHER message just checking in.  He wanted to remind me that he was the one who sent me the nice message (it wasn’t that nice and he called me the wrong name) and wanted to see if I was still interested in getting to know each other.

What?!?!?!  Uhm, I didn’t want to get to know him.  Never did.  So much for trying to be nice.


Gmail Knows Best September 29, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 3:54 pm

So I opted to send an e mail today that I probably should not have.  No, not to HIM. ;) It was just a short ‘ thinking of you, how’s your dad?’.  Basically an uber lame way of jumping up and down in front of him, waving my arms in order to make sure he knew I was still around and inevitably having him be thrilled to hear from me so he would get back in touch and we can immediately start our happily ever after. I hemmed and hawed for a minute, thought better of it and then hit send anyway.  Gmail had my back though.  It said it couldn’t be sent.  To which I was actually relieved and thanked the powers that be in the world of e mails.  Until it updated and sent it anyway….


New Approach To Messages… September 21, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 9:16 am

As I said yesterday, I’ve opted to adopt a new approach when I receive messages from men that I’m not interested in. Instead of just ignoring them, I send a short ‘thanks for the note, but I don’t think we’d be a good match. good luck in your search’. Thought that might earn me some cosmic bonus points. I’m already regretting that decision.

The 2nd man that I sent my polite decline to promptly wrote back and asked me why. And called me by the wrong name. Huh? I (somewhat) honestly told him that although his profile was well written and he sounded like a nice man, that it just didn’t excite me. As I feared that would then garner yet another ‘but why?’, I threw in the fact that our astrological signs aren’t compatible. Yes, I’m just that lame. NO, I don’t follow astrology! I was grasping at straws for reasons that he couldn’t ‘argue’.

In the end, I just didn’t want to hurt his feelings so although my ‘we’re not cosmically compatible’ excuse was lame beyond belief, I thought it was much nicer than sending ‘your shorter than I am, not attractive, live far and you’re holding a picture of a fish in your profile’.

So wait, does actually fibbing in my response to him negate the bonus karmic points I was trying to earn in the 1st place?


And Yes, I Need To Be Institutionalized September 20, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 9:09 am
Tags: , , ,

Well hello there!  Yes, I am perfecting the art of being a crappy blogger by going MIA often.  Sorry about that.  When there’s nothing much to post, I don’t.  Welcome to my uber boring world.  It’s actually not so uber boring but if I told you all of the shit that goes on, you might think I’m actually making it up.

Like when a friend, now very much an EX friend, opted to send me a randomly shitty text about what a horrid person I am and then proceeded to list all the reasons that I can’t keep a man interested.  Uhm, what?  I hadn’t even spoken to him in ages.  I’ve always known he was a rage filled man and recovering alcoholic, but I have also always defended him to others and was quite certain that under all his gruff that he had a heart of gold.  What do you know?  I was wrong.  Asshole.

Like the fact that TD flits in and out at his own will and although I steer clear and he still manages to make me feel like complete shit at times, he actually did a bit of construction for me at my new house.  Oh wait, did you all just fall off your chairs?  Well don’t.  No need to worry.  Although I’ve claimed, many MANY times in the past, to ‘get it’.  I truly do.  He never cared for me in the way I thought he did.  I filled a void for him when he needed it and then when he didn’t, due to the fact that he doesn’t like to be the ‘bad guy’ and just tell me, honestly, that he was done with me (which, ironically would have made him kind of a stand up, good guy), he kept me on the fringes and made me feel that everything was my fault and forced me to be the one walk away time and again and would then get mad at me for walking away.  Yes, fucked up as it is, that’s our history.  He’s still with horseface and they’re in love.  He has settled on someone that doesn’t challenge him in the least, who brings nothing to the table and who doesn’t bring out the best in anyone that she’s around.  He has chosen her because she is simple.  He can live up only to 1/2 of his potential and half ass everything and she’ll be fine with that.  Not my problem.

Like the fact that, even though I swore off online dating after the 2nd of 2 potentially great guys made up lame excuses to bail on me, that in a fit of insanity, I signed back up for Match.  What?  They caught me during a moment of weakness and lured me in with their 3 months for $30 bullshit.  I caved, I know.  And am already regretting it.  I have gotten winks and messages from all the creepers who pounce on ‘fresh meat’ the second they join and have gotten many winks from men that I remember from years ago ….. who have yet to change their pictures.  In reading through ‘matches’ (read: dregs of society), I actually found 3 men yesterday that struck my fancy.  They were handsome, my height or taller, and could string all their words together without sounding like a moron.  Oh, and none of them were holding a fish.  Or a dead whatever in any of their pics.  1 of them got a wink.  The other 2 got well crafted, short notes.  They all immediately looked at my profile.  And ignored my interest.  Yey me.  The one that I sent a wink to actually did send me a short message thanking me for the wink, saying he didn’t think we were a good match and wished me well in my search.  Not sure if I would rather have that or just be ignored.

I’ve opted to adopt that style though.  I will reply to those that take the time to write me with a short note of thank you, best of luck, but I’m not your gal.  I usually just ignore messages I’m not interested in, but as I’m still single, maybe that has contributed to my dating karma, so I’m switching it up this time.

Let’s see how this goes……..




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