43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

At Least I’m Consistent August 9, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 11:33 am
Tags: , , ,

So I started this blog to chronicle my search for love. Online. Not sure if that’s not an oxymoron. Maybe it’s just me that’s the moron, who knows? It was fun to write about past dates. Past good dates. Past horrible dates. I write in order to express myself in order to hopefully not explode by keeping everything inside.

It does get tiring, and very disheartening, to continually write about ‘good’ guys that I meet which everyone knows doesn’t happen often. When it does, I find myself getting hopeful, which I always thought was a good thing. Apparently it’s not. I don’t write about dates past the 1st or 2nd unless I’m questioning something. I would never violate my dates’ identities or privacy. Each time I write about someone new, I really hope that I WON’T be writing much more about them as that would mean things are going well. Seems as if I end up writing about everyone as they’re all short lived. I took a big chance trying to date again with my knee still being wonky and with me being a good 20 lbs overweight. I thought my ever waning confidence could handle it. It can’t. Oh, and yes, I’ve been dumped. Again. Via text.

I liked this one. We were similar in MANY ways. He was funny and kind and smart as hell. He seemed to really like me and pretty much told me as much. Until he didn’t. ‘Bad timing’ seems to be my nemesis. I’ve written about my thoughts on ‘bad timing’ before. I think it’s bullshit. Unless your parole is being revoked or you’re soaring off into space, there’s really no such thing if you like someone.

This time it’s that he wants to move. I totally ‘get’ that, but if he really liked me, he would continue on seeing me while still planning his move. People do long distance all the time, right? Who knows if it would have even gotten that far, but why, at any point in your life, would you opt out of seeing if maybe ‘the one’ you just met could be ‘the one’?  That makes me think that his reasoning that he gave me is bullshit.  That he just didn’t like me enough to continue on.

I thought I was doing okay. Just going with the flow. Seeing where things went. I didn’t though. I was the one to contact him since he’s been back. I was the one to suggest doing something tonight. I tried to ‘move things along’ I guess. I just knew, when I heard my text message alert go off, that it wasn’t going to be good news. It wasn’t. It was pleasant enough, but still I’m left to question, once again, what I could have done differently. What I did to make him not want to see where, if anywhere, this would go.

I’m off to cancel my online profiles. Yes, again. I just can’t do this anymore right now.

Although I have a pretty active social life and do many fun things that don’t involve boys, it sure was nice, for a short time, to have a boy in the mix….. :-(


2 Used To Be My Lucky Number August 7, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 11:01 am

I think I need to revise my statement that ‘I’m a great date’. Or at least put a disclaimer of sorts. I am a great date. Most of my dates tell me so. I’m easy to talk to. Not too shabby to look at (even with my hideous post knee disaster extra poundage). I’m smart. And I’m funny. Who doesn’t love to laugh? So while all of these statements are apparently true, they only seem to hold true through date #2. That seems to be my sticking point.

The Unicorn opted out after our 2nd ‘official’ date. Even with all of our dozens of phone conversations and hundreds of e-mails. He just up and disappeared.

Seems as if my new(ish) interest (he hasn’t even earned a blog name yet) is fading away as well. We had a great 1st date. A great, although short, 2nd date. He was all about scheduling in a 2nd date before he left town. He sent me lots of great pictures and intermittent text messages while he was away for 10 days. He was in and out of cel range, so no worries there. He’s been back since Sunday. He’s been sick since Sunday. He doesn’t like being ‘helped’ when he’s sick. I know he’s probably swamped with work and trying to recover, but it seems as if I’m fading into either oblivion or the dreaded ‘friend zone’. No flirty texts. No mention of future dates or that he even wishes he could see me.

Am I too sensitive and over thinking things? Uhm, absolutely. Have we not met? I’ve been the one to initiate text ‘conversations’ (I don’t think he likes to talk on the phone) since he’s been home and although he absolutely engages and we can text about anything for hours off and on, I miss my ‘good morning sunshine’ texts. :-(

Not sure where, if anywhere, this one is going. It’s new, he’s sick, he’s working, he was out of town. It’s been 2 weeks since I’ve seen him and yes, in the grand scheme of things, that’s not all that bad. It just seems longer. I do better with ‘future’ plans I guess.

I think I need to figure out why this keeps happening though. My last few dates have all told me how easy I am to talk to. How fun I am. How much they like me. How they think I’m pretty (ha). I seem to have issues securing 3rd dates though. Boo.

I will leave it to him to contact me next. Maybe he will. Maybe he won’t. I hope he does. I’d like to know more about him. He’s kinda fascinating….. yet still blog nameless……huh.


Who Ran Fastest? July 30, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 5:32 am

So there sat my date, sticky and sweet smelling as can be thanks to my oh so graceful dumping of my drink on him.  Either of us could have taken that opportunity to bail.  Neither of us did.

We ordered another round and split some appetizers and before either of us realized, it was 4.5 hours later.

I find him fascinating.  He knows everything (but not in a rudely superior way).  His skill set (minds out of the gutter) are many and far flung.  He’s nice, wicked smart, witty, kind and, best of all….he told me I was pretty. ;)

As he was leaving town in a few short days, he wanted to see me again before he left (yey me), so we made lunch plans for 2 days from then.

When we left, he politely asked if he could walk me to my car and as we were talking, he leaned in and gave me a pretty great kiss.  And then another one.  And another. ;)

We seem to have a lot in common.  Not intelligence wise, mind you, but our backgrounds and upbringing.  He’s currently out of town and texts when he can and sends me all sorts of pretty water pictures (as in bodies of, not glasses of).

Oh, and did I mention that he thinks I’m pretty? ;)


How To Make A Lasting Impression July 29, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:32 am

We all know what an awesome date I am, right? I’m chatty and funny and engaging and I’ve heard, more times than not, how ‘fast time flies with me’. Uhm, thanks? It doesn’t matter if I’m into my date or not, I still try to make the best of it and make sure he has a good time (unless he’s a total tool, that is). We also know that last week was my last ditch effort before re-enrolling in my self-imposed dating strike. I kind of thought about cancelling.

He seemed nice enough via e-mails and texts, but when a friend asked what the most interesting thing about him was, I said, without missing a beat, ‘he asked me out’. Lucky guy.

We met at 5pm at a bar equal distance from us (which put us each about 1.5 minutes from our respective houses as he lives exactly 2 stop lights away). He walked in a looked just like his picture. Not sure that I did. I spent most of the night fidgeting as I was wearing a brightly colored dress that was a bit too short since the onslaught of the ‘can’t do squat because of my crappy knee’ pounds, and needed to make sure all my bits were covered.

He ordered a beer, I ordered a raspberry cider and we started chatting. And chatting. And he was able to circumvent my onslaught of questions so as not to have to answer any of my own and inquired about a lot of things. About my family. My dogs. My career. My day. My hobbies. We covered all the usual topics from favorite movies to why Facebook is the root of all evil.

He may have also asked me one of the best questions ever. And by best, I mean hardest. He flat out asked me ‘are you happy?’. I looked at him for a minute and said, ‘yes, for the most part I am, but I could always be happier’. Thought that was a much better response than launching into a ‘woe is me’ dissertation of everything that sucks in my life right now.

As we were chatting, a young man in a wheelchair tried to pass by and rammed right into my chair at the bar. In my haste to dislodge my legs from the naugahyde covered bar stools while simultaneously trying to hold my too short dress down, I gracefully fell out of my chair, onto my date and managed to dump a nearly full 12 oz delicious raspberry cider all over the bar. And the floor. Oh, and did I mention….my date.

Was I able to bounce back from that complete and utter fubar or did I use it as an excuse to make a quick escape? For that, my friends, you’ll have to wait…..


What I’ve Learned In 100 Years Of Dating July 21, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 12:43 am

We haven’t had an Introspective Monday in a while …… yes, that was your warning to stop reading right now and run …. run fast and run far………. ;-)

This blog is about online dating but really online is no different from ‘traditional’ dating.  It’s just a different way to meet your dates.

I’ve wondered what the issue is with my dating.  Or, more specifically, my dates.  There’s nothing wrong with them.  It’s me.  I’m the one that is the issue.  I’ve always wondered why I had such bad luck or why I always met the wrong guys.  I haven’t.  I’ve just not conducted myself in a way that anyone feels the need to stick around.

I’m not a game player.  I wear my heart on my sleeve.  If I like a guy, I let them know.  I spend a lot of time building others up.  I go out of my way not to make others feel bad.  And like I can handle everything for fear of appearing weak.  I don’t complain or put my foot down for fear of appearing like a bitch.

I just heard a movie line.  ‘Treat them like shit & it makes them want you more.’  And I think it’s true.  Too bad I do the opposite.   I did it with TD, I did it with The Unicorn & I’ve probably done it with every guy I’ve been interested in for the last 10 years.

I spend so much time building others up and stroking their egos that they’re the ones that get complacent.  They know they ‘have me’ therefore they don’t have to work at it.  They know I’m not going anywhere.

Just like when a guy lets me know how much he likes me.  Whether I like him ‘enough’ or not, I know I don’t have to go out of my way in order to try and make sure he keeps liking me.  That’s my mistake.  And I hate that it’s taken me this long to figure it out.  I hate even more that I’m going to have to change who I am.

I spent 6 months putting TD back together after his break up with the crazy neighbor ex.  I spent the next year letting him know how awesome I thought he was.  Letting him know I wasn’t going anywhere.  Not letting him know what I wanted.  And needed.  Not having him ‘work’ to keep me around.  He could basically do anything and I was still there.

The Unicorn was much the same story. He spent a lot of time telling me how awesome I was. How much he liked me. How he only dates 1 person at a time. He told me about all the places we would go together and things we would do. He told me how he wasn’t treated nicely by his last 2 girlfriends. How he wasn’t used to being taken care of. I didn’t tell him about my last ‘relationship’ and how hurtful it was. I didn’t tell him, when he offered to take care of me and my knee, how much I wanted and needed someone to do that for me. Instead, I spent my time letting him know how much I liked him. How I would be the one to take care of him. If I truly dissected the time we had together, he was most attentive and communicative when I was stand offish at first. When I let him know how much I liked him is when he disappeared. I thought I was following his lead. I thought that since he’d told me how much he liked me, that I could do the same. How was I to know that I’d scare him off?

Thing is, I do know. I should have known a long time ago. I’ve got 2 choices; either don’t ever like a guy again or just don’t ever let a guy know that I like him. And I hate that. I hate that I can’t be ‘me’. That I have to play some game of being aloof. Some game that allows the guy to feel like he’s having to ‘chase’ me. I don’t know why it can’t just be that when a guy tells me how much he likes me that I can actually BELIEVE him. That it is then okay for me to tell him how much I like him.

I look back on my 100 or so years of dating and I was happiest, and most popular back in my college days and through my 20s. No, not just because I was pretty damn hot and had thighs that could crack a walnut. But because I didn’t really care much about guys or how I treated them. I never had a hard time getting a date. I never had a hard time keeping a guy interested because, sadly, I just wasn’t interested in them. And the ones that I was, yes, I probably scared away.

I’m not sure I’m going to be able to ‘learn’ my lesson and put these new ‘rules’ into action.  Pretty sure that after my ‘meet and greet’ tonight (who will inevitably like me because I’m not sure that I’m all that interested), that I’m going to have to take another break.  Not because there aren’t good guys out there, but because I apparently don’t know what to do with them……



Someone Is Colorblind July 19, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 9:40 am
Tags: , , ,

And it isn’t me. Craptastic E-Harmony has this color coding system for all of my ‘perfect’ matches. Someone who appears with a green background is ‘great’ for me, just a ‘bit’ outside my requested parameters. These parameters could be anything from location (no, I did not request to matched with someone who lives 200 miles away), to height (thanks for the 5’6″ guys, but since I’m 5’10”, that’s just never going to happen), to not even having a photo posted (sorry, no pictures, no contact). Now, if a match arrives in my in-box with a blue border, then they’re supposedly PERFECT for me. Based on the 2,456,785 inane personality questions asked when you sign up.

Let me give you a rundown of today’s ‘perfect’ matches for me:

1) A 5’6″ Asian IT guy who lives 200+ miles from me, is uber religious (I’m not), is 5’6″ inches tall, does not like dogs and who likes to play video games on the weekends.

2) Someone whose one and only picture is of his dog. No, not he and his dog, just his dog and who hasn’t filled out any of the ‘essay’ portions of his profile.

3) A dump truck driver who again lives 200+ miles from me, hasn’t filled out any of his profile and who loves to fish.

I ask you, what the hell do any of these guys (or dog) have to do with anything remotely similar to me, my interests or my preferences?

I promise you, I cast a wide net online. I’m not superficial enough to require a certain height (I only ask that I can look them in the eye without throwing my back out), hair color, income or profession (although I don’t think I could actually get into ‘job talk’ with a dump truck driver). I usually read someone’s profile before I even look at the photos. When the only information I have to go on is that they can’t live without their bible, their worlds of warfare or a Mickey’s big mouth, that leaves me only with their photo. Which inevitably is of them holding up a dead fish, doing lewd things to a statue or standing a great distance from the camera, yet next to a mid life crisis mobile…..

In what world are these men ‘perfect’ for me?


Who Likes To Swing? July 17, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 7:36 am

And no, I don’t mean in a ‘let’s go to the park and have some fun’ kinda way. I mean in a ‘let’s go to the country club after hours and swap partners’ kinda way. Great. That was the 1st message I got when I went back on OkCupid (do you now know why I refer to it as OkStupid?). A cute guy who wrote a terrific profile sent me this. Uhm, what is it about my profile and professed desire to find ‘my one’ or the explicit category of ‘strictly monogamous’ that would leave room for ‘grey area’?

The powers that be on that site (and by that, I mean the trained monkeys that have no clue what they’re doing) have deemed it appropriate to send me bisexuals and men looking for ‘a casual hookup’ (yes, that’s actually an option that you can choose) in my daily quick-matches. Super. If anything, it certainly cuts down the time it takes me to actually go through my matches each day….

I did have one guy message me (exactly 12 minutes after I joined) and it turns out that I’ve met him before. I even have his phone number in my phone. He apparently has no clue though as his amazingly soul searching question for me was ‘what makes a great martini’ with no reference to his name, my name or anything else. I thought about ‘reminding’ him that we’ve met – and chatted at length – but decided against it. If he can’t remember who I am less than 2 months later, then I couldn’t have made that great of an impression.

Not sure if I’m even in the mood to date right now. Not sure I’ve been in the mood for the past couple of years, truth be told. Still kinda pissed/hurt that the 1st that I did get excited about in the last couple of years turned and ran (or whatever the ‘real’ truth is). I’m a good date. I know that. I follow the guys’ lead. I’m funny and talkative and ask lots of questions about him. I’m not ‘interview-y’ or awkward. I was told, by a few people, that I need to be more ‘vulnerable’. Truth be told, I don’t even know what that means. Should I declare that I need help (no, not mental, thank you very much)?

Oh well, the way things are going, I won’t need to brush up/reevaluate my dating skills anytime soon as my options are looking none too promising. Unless I learn to like swinging……….



Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 278 other followers