43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Drunk, Married or Just Plain Weird? March 24, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:33 am
Tags: , ,

So, this guy showed up again a couple of weeks ago.  After months and months of nothing, there he was.  I figured out it had been Thanksgiving since we’d last wasted time conversing.  I know this because the title of the last e-mail string, which he just added on to, was ‘Happy Thanksgiving’.  I’m quite the super sleuth, I know.  He apologized for his long absence and seemed to have a valid reason, so I let it slide.  As I was bored to tears and still house bound, I opted to respond.  Lucky him.  Of course, his first message to me contained his favorite word.  After I was finished banging my head against the wall at the odd placement and total inappropriateness of ‘that’ word in the context, I figured meh, I could use some practice flirting, so what’s the harm?  We messaged back and forth for several hours.  When I say ‘messaged’, I mean e-mailed.  He seems to have an aversion to texting.  I even asked him if we could switch to text as he was sending so many e-mails ‘conversationally’ that I was losing some as they were getting overlapped.  He opted out of texting (weird).  This would make the 2nd time I’ve given him my number and he hasn’t used it.  Anyway, I haven’t actually flirted with anyone in a long long time, so it was good to see that I was able to still do it.  Yey me!  He was very complimentary and sweet.  In the spirit of full disclosure, I explained about my knee and the fact that I’ve gained probably 20 lbs since he last saw me (thank you knee).  He said it didn’t matter.  That I had sparkling eyes and a captivating smile.  Or was it the other way around?  No matter, as I was having a bad day, any compliments and niceties were much appreciated.

I wondered if he was ever going to get around asking me out as he failed to do so last year.  Well, he didn’t disappoint.  He asked! As I had warned him about my limp, my cane, my larger than normal ass and everything else and he still wanted to see me, I figured why not.  He was being soooo nice.  We continued on with our flurry of e-mails stopping just short of his making a definite plan (time, place), but assured me he would ‘pick well’.  Of course, I told him I had every faith in him to pick a good place and that it was the company, not the location, that made for a nice evening (see? I can be nice!).  One of his last messages to me that night was to inquire if my knee injury prevented me from kissing.  Er, what?  Okay, I figured this was all part of the ‘flirting’ thing, so went along with it.  I said that although I hadn’t tried since surgery, I certainly hoped not!

And that was that.  Never got another response from him.  As it was late at night, I figured he just fell asleep and I would hear from him the next day.  Guess not.  It’s been 2 weeks and he has again fallen off the face of the earth.  I just don’t get it.  Why contact me again after so long?  Why ask me out if he had no intention of following through?  I came up with a few possibilities.  One being that he’s married (thus the communication via e-mail instead of text).  Two being that he was just drunk and when he sobered up the next day he opted out.  Three being that he’s just a putz.


Juice – The Recipe for World Peace February 16, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 11:24 am

So there’s been this guy, not sure if I blogged about him or not last year who contacted me off of match and I opted out of meeting.  Of course, because I’m uber mature, instead of just telling him I wasn’t interested, I told him I had a cold and then contact kinda just tapered off.  Well, he’s sent me about 1 text per month since last July just ‘checking in’.  He never used my name in any of them so I just assumed he was cleaning out his phone contacts and came across a name he hadn’t yet crossed off his list.  I got a ‘Happy New Year’ last month.  A ‘It’s been a long time, how come we never met up?’ a few weeks ago and a ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’ on Friday.  Of course, I never bothered responding to any of the messages so had to kinda love his stupidity dedication.  Last night, however, he sends a ‘I want to see you, let’s meet up tonight’.  Uhm, no.  I immediately send a text to a friend letting her know that he texted again and now wants me to go out but I bet he doesn’t know my name.  Of course, being the huge idiot brilliant individual that I am, I accidentally sent that text to HIM instead of my friend.  I can’t make this shit up people.

I felt the need to apologize for the misfired text and he was very gracious and what do you know?  Actually did remember my name.  He asked me out again and I declined.  I then let him know that I was still recovering from a total knee replacement.  He says that he had one too!  And he actually used a surgeon that I almost chose, but didn’t.  He offered to give me some pointers and tips on recovery since I seem to be in the remedial class of that.  As I can use all the help I can get I agreed to meet him for breakfast this morning.

We met up and right away I knew I had made a mistake.  I think he did to.  The man looked everywhere but at me when he spoke.  He asked when my surgery was and I told him it was 2 months ago.  He proceeds to tell me it’s because my nutrition was bad.  Uhm, do I look jaundiced?  Why would he say that to me?  I told him that I actually eat fairly well and that I eat a ton of vegetables.  He asked me if I juice.  That would be a resounding NO.  Why would I want to drink a vegetable when I can eat it in it’s true form.  He proceeds to tell me that eating vegetables is okay, but juicing them is better.  Whatever.  He then let’s me know about all the supplements he’s taking and how nutrition is tantamount in his daily life.  Really?  Cause he looked a bit gaunt and gangly to me.  Anyway, after an hour of him making me feel like I was doing everything wrong or not trying hard enough in my recovery, he suggested we leave.  I couldn’t have hobbled out of the restaurant fast enough.

Let this be a lesson to everyone that apparently juicing – not just one type of juice, but ALL kinds of juice – will cure anything and that proper nutrition is also key to a full life.  Did I forget to mention that he put grape jelly on his bacon?!?!?


Happy Valentine’s Day! *gag* February 15, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:11 am

*just found in my ‘drafts’ folder, so here ya’ go*

My ziplock baggie and I decided to meet a friend for happy hour tonight. Probably shouldn’t have gone as my knee was killing me, but what can a single gal do on Valentine’s Day if not go meet friends for a drink? After a craptastic couple of days, I actually had a drink. Uhm, bad idea. I guess when they say you shouldn’t mix pain meds with alcohol, they mean it. Not that anything crazy happened but it made me sick to my stomach and I was back home, in bed, with one of my pups within 2 hours. Just as well. I was getting jealous of seeing couples out on dates anyway.

I’m still trying to learn to ask for help when I need it.  Be it with work, or the house or *gasp* just random stuff.  Old habits die hard though. I really needed some help last night as I had twisted my knee and was in a shitpot of pain with loads of work left to get done.  Try as I might, I couldn’t come up with anyone that I could ask.  That’s an amazingly shitty realization to come to.  There’s only one person I’ve ever truly allowed to help me with anything I needed and since he’s not in my life anymore, it’s a difficult transition.

I wonder what he did today for ‘her’.  Did he cut her roses out of his backyard?  Did he take her to dinner?  Did he play with her hair and run his fingers up and down her arm?  Did he tell her he loved her?  I WISH I didn’t care.  I WISH I still didn’t replay everything in my head.  I WISH I could have seen, at the time, how he was twisting things and how he threw me under the bus and set me up for failure every chance he got last year.  I apologized for way too much.  I keep waffling between hating him and missing him.  ‘We’re just different people’ he told me the last time I spoke to him.  As if that were a bad thing.  We are different, in good ways though.  The funniest part of him saying that to me though is that we’re actually NOT all that different from each other.  We’re both overly sensitive.  We both get defensive.  We’re both just looking for that one special someone.  Well, correction, I’m still looking for that special someone and he’s settled for ‘meh’.

I can’t think of the last time I had a Valentine………… *sigh*


‘We’ Isn’t Always A Good Thing….. February 7, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 9:49 pm

I’ve got cute dogs, so why not make them earn their keep by being social (and hopefully not peeing on anyone’s leg).  One of my meetup groups posted a fun evening out where everyone gathers with their dog(s) at a great outdoor venue in the evening with chairs, blankets, refreshments, etc…. and they show a movie on a big outdoor screen!  How cute an idea is that?!  As it’s a month away and hopefully I’ll be hobbling along well enough to maneuver this outing, I RSVPd and in the comments posted which of my dogs I would be bringing.  A not-so-shabby looking fellow posted after me saying which of his dogs he was bringing and asked me a question.  Hmmmmm, we could be on to something.  His meetup profile was decent, he could spell properly, he’s obviously a dog lover and was smart enough to strike up a conversation with me. ;-) We banter back and forth a couple of times regarding our dogs and his last post was that he was bringing his Schnoodle, but ‘we’ also have a terrier mix as well.

Oh.  Well that’s never good.  ‘We’ could mean so many different things.  He has a room-mate, he has a girlfriend, he is married (this isn’t a singles group) or maybe he’s gay.  Then again, it could have nothing to do with him being in a relationship.  It could just mean that he lives with his parents and was talking about the family dogs.  Oh, wait …………. *sigh*


Does Just Saying The Word Make It So? February 2, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 3:20 pm

So I met a guy a few weeks before my surgery.  I was out for Happy Hour (my not so new favorite past time) with a friend and I noticed a guy sitting a few seats away from us that kept looking over in our direction.  As I am the last person to ever pick up on anyone’s interest in me, I didn’t think much of it and just assumed he was bored and trying to listen in on our stellar conversation (most likely about our sad lack of love lives).  Anyway, after several hours, as we’re about to leave, he comes up to me and asks if he can buy me a drink.  Well you know my love of all things alcoholic, but this guy waited 2+ hours to make the offer and I had to work in the morning, so I politely declined.

A couple weeks later, I get an e mail from him.  What?  Oh, that’s right, apparently we had a mutual friend there.  So he e-mails me and asks if I’d like to meet for a drink so he can ‘flirt’ with me.  Huh.  I respond with a ‘sure, love to’ and proceed to give him my availability for the coming week.  He responds the next day saying that I should pick a day when I don’t have to work the next day so that he can ‘flirt’ with me and asks when I’m available.  Uhm, I wanted to respond with ‘refer to previous e mail’, but didn’t.  Instead I sent my availability AGAIN to him and told him to just pick the time and place and I’d be there.  He responded back a 3rd time and managed to fit the word ‘flirt’ in the message.  Yet still didn’t pick a time or a place.  Hello?  Am I on Candid Camera?

We exchanged a couple more message, but as I never actually used the word ‘flirt’ in my responses, I guess he lost interest as we never ended up meeting.

Here’s my questions.  Does he think that it’s actually flirting to just plop the word ‘flirt’ into every conversation?



A New Year, A New Knee, A New Me? January 24, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:57 pm

Hi All!  It’s been a while.  A long while.  A long while full of drama.  All self induced of course.  Okay, not really.  I had nothing much of interest to post towards the end of last year.  I had an impending surgery that I was terrified of.  Although terrified of said surgery, I was also under the very misguided impression that recovery for this surgery would be 3-4 weeks.  Uhm, no.  Try 3-4 months.  More like 6-12 months.  I apparently never knew what pain was before this surgery.  What I would have described as an ’8′ (on the stellar ‘rate your pain scale of 1-10′) before the surgery would barely hit the 2 mark on pain levels since surgery.  It’s tested everything about me.  My tollerance for ‘real’ pain (apparently I have none), my ability to cope with being completely disabled (not very good), my ability to admit that I need help and to ask for said help (nil), my ability to see ‘the light at the end of the tunnel’ (not there yet) and my ability to deal with the fact that it is what it is.  You see, I had my knee totally replaced.  As I’m on the younger end of the spectrum for that I mistakenly assumed my recovery would be all that much easier.  It hasn’t been.  If anything, it’s made everything harder.  I’ve had to swallow my pride and adopt the ways of the geriatric.  It’s been 5 weeks since surgery and I still have to use a cane to walk (at least I don’t have to use my walker in public any more).  I am still in pretty constant pain.  I’m still fairly helpless in that I can’t do much of anything for more than 10-15 minutes a couple times a day.  I’m still stubborn as all get out as although I know I’m supposed to be doing nothing in order to recover, I still have to work and am making things much harder on myself than they need to be.

Anyway, as this is a dating blog and certainly not a rehab one, I will give you the rundown on all that I have learned through this.

1) Getting old sucks

2) No one wants to deal with (much less date) someone who’s about to have major surgery and who will require pretty constant assistance for weeks on end

3) The week before surgery is the worst possible time to (yes, again) tell TD that we shouldn’t ever be friends again

4) That by saying #3 to TD that would mean that although every other time (what are we up to, 6? 7?) I’ve called it quits, he’s checked in at some point with a ‘I miss talking to you’ or a ‘I hope you are well’ text, he really WOULDN’T this time

5) That the fact that he hasn’t done that this time, knowing what a huge surgery I was having, is crushing.

6) That the fact that I didn’t get a Christmas card (they take fun family pics every year – actually I’ve been the one to play photographer for the previous 2 years – not this one) made me cry

7) That the fact that I didn’t even get a 2 word ‘thank you’ text for the Christmas gifts (that I bought before opting to break free) has me baffled

8) That being totally incapacitated and on pain meds makes me a whiny, weepy mess

9) That one of my dogs hates when I cry and runs upstairs (he probably knows I can’t make it up the stairs yet)

10) That the apparent limit for friends to be concerned or patient or check in with me regarding how I’m doing is 4 weeks.  And I’ve surpassed that

11) That my constant desire to not bother or inconvenience others is interpreted as something entirely different by others.  I had NO idea that when I was turning down offers of help or assistance (prior to surgery and since) SOLELY because I didn’t want to put anyone out, it was being interpreted as me not trusting them or my being controlling.  I had NO idea!

I’ve certainly had my fair share of pity parties.  I can’t quite determine if this horrible surgery is the cause of it all or if the TD Factor plays into it.  I’m sure it’s a combination of both.  As I know you all hate to hear about him, I will give my final update on him.  Stop yelling.  I haven’t spoken to him, texted with, written or anything else for more than 6 weeks.  I’ve unfriended him on FB.  I’ve blocked the closet dweller, the nasty ex wife & the crazy ex girlfriend neighbor from being able to see my page.

He’s back with the closet dweller.  For the 3rd time.  They’ve opted, after a year, to make it FB official (I guess they’re 14).  She has taken to posting pictures of them in Vegas, in Tahoe, has friended all of his kids and ‘tags’ him in just about every post that she makes.   Yes, I know, why the hell am I looking at her page?  Better yet, why the hell would I create a fake page for my dog so I could see said page since I have her blocked? (yes, I’m a bigger loser than even I suspected) He’s told me that she’s like a puppy dog and he can’t stand to break her heart (apparently he was okay with doing that to me though).  He’s told me that she doesn’t make him a better person or bring much of anything to the table.  He’s told me that it’s better to be with someone who loves you more than you love them.  And he’s chosen her.  And will never choose me.  I remember all the great times; he chooses to remember the bad.  I think about him every single day but will not contact him.  I just can’t believe that I’ve heard nothing.  Sure, I told him that I couldn’t be friends and technically he’s following my wishes, but he’s never done that before.  I actually texted him, in a panic, when I was in pre-op.  All I wrote was ‘scared’  and he sent some vanilla reply about feeling better when it was all over.  I responded with ‘I wish you were here with me’ to which I got ‘I’m too high maintenance; hopefully this will bring you closer to some good people’.  And that was it.  Nothing further.  He hasn’t checked with my friends, my family, no-one.  I can’t believe it.  I know he probably thinks this is just yet another of my temporary breaks but it’s not.  I’m ashamed and embarassed of the past year and a half.  It’s been destructive for me, for him and for our friendship.  I told him, that fateful day a week before surgery that I felt like I was ‘filler’ for him.  He denied it.  I can’t help but know that he’s absolutely confirmed it.  He’s got the closet dweller now.  He doesn’t need me.  He’s smiling in the pictures that I see on FB but I’m not sure he’s happy.  I guess that’s his deal to figure out.  My favorite picture of me and ‘us’ was from December of 2011.  We were at a comedy show to see a friend.  It’s a great picture.  We both look happy and healthy and pardon my saying it, damn good together.  His pictures with her are just kinda, i don’t know, stiff.  They just don’t seem romantic.  They seem more protective.  And I’m not in them, so of course I hate them. ;-)

I always thoughts I was his ‘Cricket’.  Apparently I was wrong.  I’ve got a long way to go in recovering not just from my surgery (which I wish I never had), but from recovering from all the damage that the last year and half has caused.  Why didn’t anyone tell me it was a bad idea to try and remain his friend??

KIDDING!  I know you ALL did.  I just chose not to listen.  And I was wrong.  I’m sorry……………


5th Time Is The Charm? November 14, 2013

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:44 am
Tags: , , ,

He started jogging again.  He HATES jogging.  He only ever did it because his crazy neighbor ex girlfriend liked it and it was an excuse to spend time together…….

When something doesn’t work out in a relationship and you ‘break up’ 4 times within a 4 year time period and then proceed to bitch, bad-mouth and obsess of said ex for the next 2 years, what would make someone think that maybe giving it just one more try would work?  No silly people, stop yelling at your screens and preparing to throw your computer out the window.  I’m not talking about me and TD.  I am, however, talking about TD and his crazy key-wielding ex who lives next door to him. 

I’ve been keeping my distance.  I haven’t seen him.  I only think about him once a day instead of 52.  I don’t communicate first.  I do, however, respond most times when he reaches out.  Yes, I know, I’m a dumbass.  I picked up his call yesterday and he proceeded to tell me that he has a ‘lunch meeting’ set up with her.  And then added ‘don’t hate me’.  I don’t even know what that means.  Although I have many reasons to hate him, and I guess the fact that I spent over a year trying to put him back together after she destroyed him should probably piss me off, but it just doesn’t. 

I’ve told him since day 1 that he wasn’t over her.  I’ve told him since day 1 that in the back of his mind he thinks they’re going to end up together.  I’ve told him since day 527 that just because he is currently in a ‘relationship’ with the world’s most ‘safe’ and boring person (yes, the closet dwelling lunch lady), that doesn’t mean that there’s not a happy medium between the crazy key wielding ex and the woman who sits in her closet and cries. 

He’s spent 2 years saying how evil and mean and black hearted she is.  He’s told his kids, his neighbors, the local bartender, the mailman, the people at the gym and pretty much everyone else he knows how much he hates her.  How on earth can he even consider giving it another chance?  She’s always wanted him back.  She’s tried to contact him many times in the past.  She’s very smart and very manipulative and I see it all starting again.  They haven’t spoken in 2 years yet the second there is a text conversation about meeting up and ‘getting closure’ (HA), she mysteriously sets all of her FB pictures to private.  What?! Of course I stalk; duh.  He does too.  If he hasn’t picked up this latest covert op of hers, then he’s dumber than I think.  She’s paraded men in and out of her house for the past 2 years.  She has young kids.  She hasn’t been alone more than 3 days over the past 2 years and usually moves the guy of the moment right on in.

She’s pretty and sexy and has a good body.  She also has a black heart, could win an academy award for acting otherwise and absolutely destroyed TD and his confidence the 1st time around.  She claims to have changed.  To be a much better person and mother.  He’s told me for 2 years that he’d never ever get back together with her.  He’s told me I was nuts for thinking that.  Yet here they are, meeting to ‘talk’ and ‘get some questions answered’.  Uhm, who cares what the answers are if you’re not interested?  He claims to just want closure.  To be able to be civil with her.  To find out ‘why’.  I know him too well, I see the writing on the wall.

He told me that one of the things he would have to think about was alienating people.  Like who?  His current girlfriend?  He says his kids 1st and foremost.  As it should be.  They know all that’s happened.  They’ve heard all the horrible things that he has said about her.  They’ve heard him declare ‘never again’.  And now he’s going to do it.  His kids are going to be uber confused.  I know what he’ll do because it’s what they did at the beginning of the 1st go around.  They’re going to sneak around.  Isn’t everything more fun when you can do it CIA style?  I asked him who else he was worried about ‘alienating’ with this catastrophically bad decision.  He said his #2 concern in all of this was me.  (insert big fat snort here)

How could he even consider this? Why do I care?  Why do I worry that she’s going to destroy him again?  Why do I care that he’s going to sacrifice his self respect in order to go back to the familiar? You’re all smart cookies …….. you know why.  The same reason I’ve sacrificed my self respect in an attempt to be his ‘friend’. :-(




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