So I started this blog to chronicle my search for love. Online. Not sure if that’s not an oxymoron. Maybe it’s just me that’s the moron, who knows? It was fun to write about past dates. Past good dates. Past horrible dates. I write in order to express myself in order to hopefully not explode by keeping everything inside.
It does get tiring, and very disheartening, to continually write about ‘good’ guys that I meet which everyone knows doesn’t happen often. When it does, I find myself getting hopeful, which I always thought was a good thing. Apparently it’s not. I don’t write about dates past the 1st or 2nd unless I’m questioning something. I would never violate my dates’ identities or privacy. Each time I write about someone new, I really hope that I WON’T be writing much more about them as that would mean things are going well. Seems as if I end up writing about everyone as they’re all short lived. I took a big chance trying to date again with my knee still being wonky and with me being a good 20 lbs overweight. I thought my ever waning confidence could handle it. It can’t. Oh, and yes, I’ve been dumped. Again. Via text.
I liked this one. We were similar in MANY ways. He was funny and kind and smart as hell. He seemed to really like me and pretty much told me as much. Until he didn’t. ‘Bad timing’ seems to be my nemesis. I’ve written about my thoughts on ‘bad timing’ before. I think it’s bullshit. Unless your parole is being revoked or you’re soaring off into space, there’s really no such thing if you like someone.
This time it’s that he wants to move. I totally ‘get’ that, but if he really liked me, he would continue on seeing me while still planning his move. People do long distance all the time, right? Who knows if it would have even gotten that far, but why, at any point in your life, would you opt out of seeing if maybe ‘the one’ you just met could be ‘the one’? That makes me think that his reasoning that he gave me is bullshit. That he just didn’t like me enough to continue on.
I thought I was doing okay. Just going with the flow. Seeing where things went. I didn’t though. I was the one to contact him since he’s been back. I was the one to suggest doing something tonight. I tried to ‘move things along’ I guess. I just knew, when I heard my text message alert go off, that it wasn’t going to be good news. It wasn’t. It was pleasant enough, but still I’m left to question, once again, what I could have done differently. What I did to make him not want to see where, if anywhere, this would go.
I’m off to cancel my online profiles. Yes, again. I just can’t do this anymore right now.
Although I have a pretty active social life and do many fun things that don’t involve boys, it sure was nice, for a short time, to have a boy in the mix….. :-(