We haven’t had an Introspective Monday in a while …… yes, that was your warning to stop reading right now and run …. run fast and run far………. ;-)
This blog is about online dating but really online is no different from ‘traditional’ dating. It’s just a different way to meet your dates.
I’ve wondered what the issue is with my dating. Or, more specifically, my dates. There’s nothing wrong with them. It’s me. I’m the one that is the issue. I’ve always wondered why I had such bad luck or why I always met the wrong guys. I haven’t. I’ve just not conducted myself in a way that anyone feels the need to stick around.
I’m not a game player. I wear my heart on my sleeve. If I like a guy, I let them know. I spend a lot of time building others up. I go out of my way not to make others feel bad. And like I can handle everything for fear of appearing weak. I don’t complain or put my foot down for fear of appearing like a bitch.
I just heard a movie line. ‘Treat them like shit & it makes them want you more.’ And I think it’s true. Too bad I do the opposite. I did it with TD, I did it with The Unicorn & I’ve probably done it with every guy I’ve been interested in for the last 10 years.
I spend so much time building others up and stroking their egos that they’re the ones that get complacent. They know they ‘have me’ therefore they don’t have to work at it. They know I’m not going anywhere.
Just like when a guy lets me know how much he likes me. Whether I like him ‘enough’ or not, I know I don’t have to go out of my way in order to try and make sure he keeps liking me. That’s my mistake. And I hate that it’s taken me this long to figure it out. I hate even more that I’m going to have to change who I am.
I spent 6 months putting TD back together after his break up with the crazy neighbor ex. I spent the next year letting him know how awesome I thought he was. Letting him know I wasn’t going anywhere. Not letting him know what I wanted. And needed. Not having him ‘work’ to keep me around. He could basically do anything and I was still there.
The Unicorn was much the same story. He spent a lot of time telling me how awesome I was. How much he liked me. How he only dates 1 person at a time. He told me about all the places we would go together and things we would do. He told me how he wasn’t treated nicely by his last 2 girlfriends. How he wasn’t used to being taken care of. I didn’t tell him about my last ‘relationship’ and how hurtful it was. I didn’t tell him, when he offered to take care of me and my knee, how much I wanted and needed someone to do that for me. Instead, I spent my time letting him know how much I liked him. How I would be the one to take care of him. If I truly dissected the time we had together, he was most attentive and communicative when I was stand offish at first. When I let him know how much I liked him is when he disappeared. I thought I was following his lead. I thought that since he’d told me how much he liked me, that I could do the same. How was I to know that I’d scare him off?
Thing is, I do know. I should have known a long time ago. I’ve got 2 choices; either don’t ever like a guy again or just don’t ever let a guy know that I like him. And I hate that. I hate that I can’t be ‘me’. That I have to play some game of being aloof. Some game that allows the guy to feel like he’s having to ‘chase’ me. I don’t know why it can’t just be that when a guy tells me how much he likes me that I can actually BELIEVE him. That it is then okay for me to tell him how much I like him.
I look back on my 100 or so years of dating and I was happiest, and most popular back in my college days and through my 20s. No, not just because I was pretty damn hot and had thighs that could crack a walnut. But because I didn’t really care much about guys or how I treated them. I never had a hard time getting a date. I never had a hard time keeping a guy interested because, sadly, I just wasn’t interested in them. And the ones that I was, yes, I probably scared away.
I’m not sure I’m going to be able to ‘learn’ my lesson and put these new ‘rules’ into action. Pretty sure that after my ‘meet and greet’ tonight (who will inevitably like me because I’m not sure that I’m all that interested), that I’m going to have to take another break. Not because there aren’t good guys out there, but because I apparently don’t know what to do with them……